The Project Gutenberg EBook of Two Burlesques of Lord Chesterfield's
Letters., by Anonymous

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org

Title: Two Burlesques of Lord Chesterfield's Letters.
The Graces (1774), The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette (1776)

Author: Anonymous

Editor: Sidney L. Gulick

Release Date: November 27, 2011 [EBook #38149]

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWO BURLESQUES OF LORD ***

Produced by Tor Martin Kristiansen, Margo Romberg, Joseph
Cooper and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net

INTRODUCTION
NOTES
NOTES TO THE GRACES
THE_GRACES
THE_FINE_GENTLEMAN'S_ETIQUETTE

The Augustan Reprint Society

TWO BURLESQUES OF
LORD CHESTERFIELD'S LETTERS

THE GRACES (1774)
THE FINE GENTLEMAN'S ETIQUETTE (1776)

Edited, with an Introduction, by
Sidney L. Gulick

Publication Number 81

William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
University of California
Los Angeles
1960

GENERAL EDITORS

Richard C. Boys, University of Michigan
Ralph Cohen, University of California, Los Angeles
Vinton A. Dearing, University of California, Los Angeles
Lawrence Clark Powell, Clark Memorial Library

ASSISTANT EDITOR

W. Earl Britton, University of Michigan

ADVISORY EDITORS

Emmett L. Avery, State College of Washington
Benjamin Boyce, Duke University
Louis Bredvold, University of Michigan
John Butt, King's College, University of Durham
James L. Clifford, Columbia University
Arthur Friedman, University of Chicago
Louis A. Landa, Princeton University
Samuel H. Monk, University of Minnesota
Ernest C. Mossner, University of Texas
James Sutherland, University College, London
H. T. Swedenberg, Jr., University of California, Los Angeles

CORRESPONDING SECRETARY

Edna C. Davis, Clark Memorial Library

INTRODUCTION

Even though the disasters which overtook John Stubbs and William Prynne in the days of Elizabeth and Charles I no longer faced the pamphleteer, the eighteenth century saw many an anonymous publication, for while hands and ears were less in jeopardy, author and publisher might well suffer imprisonment, as William Cooley and the printer of the Daily Post learned in the winter of 1740-41, and John Wilkes in the 1760's. One can understand why, despite the absence of personal danger, a public figure like Lord Chesterfield should yet conceal his connection with a piece on the Hanoverian troops, or why Horace Walpole might often not put his name to an item listed in his Short Notes of his life or young Boswell to his communications to the press. Indeed, many an innocuous writing appeared anonymously, for the bashful author, protected against the miseries of conspicuous failure, could always shyly acknowledge a successful production. Later, perchance, it could appear in his collected works.

The two pieces here reprinted, typical verse pamphlets of the 1770's, illustrate both a type of writing and an age. The subject of both is contemporary—the best-selling Letters to his Son of Lord Chesterfield. The method falls between burlesque and caricature; the aim is amusement; the substance is negligible. Neither poem made more than a ripple on publication, neither initiated a critical fashion, and neither survived in its own right, yet each has merit enough to justify inclusion today in such a series as the Augustan reprints.

Chesterfield's Letters to his Son, the subject of these two burlesques, were announced as published on April 7, 1774, scarcely a year after his death; that they became an immediate best seller, every schoolboy knows. Reaction to the letters took several modes of expression. These included comments in conversation by Dr. Johnson and by George III, as reported by Boswell and by Fanny Burney; in letters, from Walpole, Mrs. Delaney, Voltaire, and Mrs. Montagu; and in diaries, such as those of Fanny Burney and John Wesley. Reviewers sprang to words if not into action. Entire books came to the defence of morality. A sermon announced "The Unalterable Nature of Vice and Virtue" (a second edition placed Virtue before Vice); the Monthly Review for December 1775 praised it: "This sensible and well written discourse is chiefly directed against the letters of the late Lord Chesterfield, though his Lordship is not mentioned." All of these approached the subject directly. Indirect reactions included an ironic Apology for Mrs. Stanhope (the son's widow, who had sold the letters to James Dodsley the publisher for £1575 and was represented as the editor), two novels showing the pernicious effects of the Chesterfieldean "system"—The Pupil of Pleasure, by Courtney Melmoth (Samuel Jackson Pratt), and The Two Mentors, by Clara Reeve—and a parody by Horace Walpole of the first three letters (published years later in his Works). The Westminster Magazine carried a "Petition of the Women of Pleasure" and the London Chronicle a farcical skit on Lord Chesterfield's refined manners.[1] In a play called The Cozeners, Samuel Foote took advantage of current interest in Chesterfield to ridicule the graces. Not the least interesting examples of the indirect reaction to the Letters are the two verse caricatures or burlesques here reprinted.

The earlier of the two poems, The Graces, bears the date 1774 on the title page. A second edition of 1775 at first glance appears to be a reissue with new title page, but minor changes and the straightedge test are evidence of resetting. The authorship was soon known: The London Chronicle for February 16-18, quoting 88 lines of the total 170 and working from the first edition, mentioned that the piece was written by Mr. Woty, but so far as bibliography was concerned this attribution remained hidden until recently, for Woty's obituary in the Gentleman's Magazine for March 1791 omitted mention of The Graces, as did the DNB and its additional sources, John Nichols' Leicestershire and David Erskine Baker's Biographia Dramatica (1812 ed.).[2] That Woty did indeed write The Graces one may assume from his including it in 1780, with minor changes, in Poems on Several Occasions. He too used the first edition.

Of William Woty's life little need be said; the DNB, relying essentially on the Gentleman's Magazine, gives the salient events: after preparing to enter the law, he became companion and a kind of legal secretary to Washington, Earl Ferrers, who prior to his death in 1778 made Woty independent by establishing an annuity of £150 for him. His first book of verse was The Sporting Club, 1758; the next, The Shrubs of Parnassus, by "James Copywell," he published in 1760. Two others, which he acknowledged, followed in the next three years; then in 1763 he joined Francis Fawkes in editing The Poetical Calendar, in 12 volumes, to which Samuel Johnson contributed a character sketch of William Collins (Boswell's Life, ed. Hill-Powell, I, 382). In 1770, Woty issued a two-volume Poetical Works. The Gentleman's Magazine, mentioning four other publications from 1770 to 1775, adds, "and some other miscellaneous pieces since that time." These, possibly unnamed because published outside of London, included Poems on Several Occasions, Derby, 1780 (in which, as noted above, he reprinted The Graces), Fugitive and Original Poems, Derby, 1786, and Poetical Amusements, Nottingham, 1789. "Mr. W. was a true bon vivant," the notice continues, "but by a too great indulgence of his passion for conviviality and society he unfortunately injured his constitution." He died in March 1791, "aged about 60."

Woty seems to have been on the periphery of Samuel Johnson's list of acquaintances. Under what circumstances Johnson agreed to write the sketch of Collins for the Poetical Calendar, Boswell does not specify—whether for Woty or for Fawkes or for J. Coote, the publisher—but write it he did. The index to the Hill-Powell Boswell lists Woty (and Fawkes) only in this connection, but someone had sufficient interest with the lexicographer to induce him to subscribe to Woty's anonymous Shrubs of Parnassus, 1760; the subscription list of some 500 names includes not only Samuel Johnson, A.M., but David Garrick, Mr. William Mason, Dr. Smollett, Mr. Strahan, and Mr. Newbery, of St. Paul's Church Yard, who bought 6 books—not unnaturally, for he was the publisher. A decade later, the subscribers to The Poetical Works of William Woty included James Boswell, Esq., George Colman, Esq., Mr. Garrick, Dr. Johnson, and this time for but one set, Mr. Newbery. After still another decade, when Woty published in Derby his Poems on Several Occasions, the list of subscribers included none of these names, even though this collection included The Graces, with its dozen lines on Samuel Johnson (now omitting from page 11 the couplet on Bute) which reveal no degree of intimacy, but do show respect and admiration for him.

The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette; or, Lord Chesterfield's Advice to his Son, versified, By a Lady, is both longer and later than The Graces; unlike that poem, it remains anonymous. The lady versifier, though somewhat repetitious in her matter (her defence would of course be that she followed her source), cannot be accused of incompetence in her prosody. Of the 366 lines, she has precious few which scan roughly or rhyme inaccurately; those few come within legitimate poetic license—on the whole, a slightly smoother versification than in Goldsmith's then popular "Retaliation," dashed off in response to a jest at The Club but not published until shortly after his death in 1774. Alike in verse form, the two poems differ significantly in ideas and style; there the discrepancy justifies the different fates of the two. In the poem here reprinted, the only passage deserving individual comment is the anecdote of Philip and the blanc mange (see pages 13 and 14). Lord Charlemont, in the course of answering a query from Lord Bruce about young Stanhope's character, recounts the incident, having had it from an eyewitness: the food was baked gooseberries and whipped cream, and the Earl's comment, "John, why do you not fetch the strop and the razors? you see your master is going to shave himself" (Charlemont MSS., I, 327-328).

The reviewers did little for The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette; most ignored the pamphlet. The Monthly Miscellany for June 1776 provided a few kindly lines: "This didactic rhapsody, the precepts contained in which are founded upon passages referred to in his Lordship's letters, is written in hendecasyllable measure, and is not destitute of humour." The Monthly Review for the same month had less to say: "We should be miserably deficient in the fine Gentleman's Etiquette, were we to criticise a lady for employing her time as she pleases."

In one sense, both burlesquers hit the weak spot in Chesterfield's Letters. Since his purpose is to entertain through exaggeration, a parodist is not required to be fair or to distinguish between an editor without judgment and the writer of intimate letters; so long as something can be made ludicrous, 'twill suffice. Yet essentially the burlesquers and many a critic then and since have missed what Chesterfield was writing in his letters and living in his long life. Blinded by the trivia inevitable in hundreds of letters carrying anxious parental advice, the critics have too often ignored or misinterpreted Chesterfield's passion for helping. He lavished countless hours, during the busiest part of his life, writing to his son in an effort to round out his education where it was distressingly deficient—not in strengthening it where it was strong. The pattern of trying to help is repeated: Chesterfield did his level best with his godson; he gave what was seemly to his young friend Huntingdon and likewise to Solomon Dayrolles. Five unpublished letters at Yale, to a Mr. Clements of Dublin, repeat the formula on a minor scale, the fifty-five-year-old earl laying out a plan of education for the family hopeful. Chesterfield's interest to do good shows at its best in his too little known letter to the Duke of Bedford condemning the brutal treatment of French prisoners (Dobree, VI, 2960). These all reveal something more praiseworthy in the man than the common interpretation of him.

Refreshing, sophisticatedly unsophisticated, yet genuinely revealing of Lord Chesterfield's character, are a half dozen unknown couplets which almost summarize his philosophy of manners. Since his sense of humor can be questioned only by those themselves blind and deaf to humor, his dislike here for laughter should be taken for what he intends—disgust at vacuous guffaws. The society he praises has fun without attendant headaches or regrets. Surely, one could do worse than to be, with him, "innocently gay." The verses appeared in the London Chronicle for May 28-30, 1776; an autograph copy, said to be dated 1761 and forming part of the Alfred Morrison collection, was sold at auction in 1918.[3]

Let social mirth with gentle manners join,
Unstunned by laughter—uninflamed by wine;
Let Reason unimpaired exert its powers,
But let gay Fancy strew its way with flowers.
Far hence the Wag's and Witling's scurril jest,
Whose noise and nonsense shock the decent guest;
True Wit and Humour such low helps decline,
Nor will the Graces owe their charms to wine.
Fools fly to drink (in native dullness sunk)
In vain; they're ten times greater fools when drunk.—
Thus, free from riot, innocently gay,
We'll neither wish, nor fear our final day.

Sidney L. Gulick
San Diego State College

NOTES

Except for the title page of The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette, which comes from the University of North Carolina.

[1] See my Chesterfield Bibliography to 1800, Papers of the Bibliographical Society of America, XXIX (1935), 68-70 and 82-89.

[2] Mr. Cecil Price, of Aberystwyth University, called the London Chronicle item to my attention several years ago, pointing out that Professor James L. Clifford had identified this reference at note 160 in his edition of Dr. Campbell's Diary (Cambridge, 1947). The CBEL lists The Graces as by Woty, but without stating its authority.

[3] The sale catalogue authenticates the poem here given by printing a short passage from it (page 238, lot 1405; sold by Messrs. Sotheby, Wilkinson, & Hodge; 18 April 1918).

NOTES TO THE GRACES

Full annotation is not intended, but identification of a few allusions in this poem may be helpful.

p. 4 Sir Fletcher Norton (1716-89), currently Speaker of the House of Commons.

Edward Thurlow (1731-1806), recently notable for successfully opposing perpetual copyright.

John Dunning (1731-83), lawyer and member of Parliament, Mrs. Eugenia Stanhope's legal counsel when Chesterfield's executors wished to stop publication of the letters. See my article, "The Publication of Chesterfield's Letters to his Son," PMLA, LI (March 1936), 171.

p. 5 William Blackstone (1723-80), already a judge and the author of the famous Commentaries.

Schomberg (probably Isaac, 1714-80, rather than his twin brother Raphael, 1714-92), Sir John Pringle (1707-82), and William Bromfield (1712-92) were physicians, respectively, to Garrick, King George III, and his Queen.

p. 6 The current Bishop of Peterborough was Dr. John Hinchliffe (1731-94).

Hans Stanley (1720?-80), M.P., political and diplomatic figure.

Great Tallboy—apparently Charles Talbot, twelfth Earl and only Duke of Shrewsbury (1660-1718), "A man of great personal attractions, ... called by Swift 'the favourite of the nation'" (Concise DNB).

Haslang—Joseph Xaver (ca 1700-83), Freiherr (later Graf) von Haszlang, Bavarian minister to England 1741-83 (Yale Walpole, IX, 185, n. 25).

p. 9 Spranger Barry (1719-77), famous tragic actor, or possibly his wife, Ann Spranger Barry (1734-1801).

p. 12 John Hill (1716?-75), prolific compiler of works on varied subjects; about a year previously he had been made knight of the Swedish order of Vasa.

THE

G R A C E S:

A

POETICAL EPISTLE

[Price One Shilling.]

THE

G R A C E S:

A

POETICAL EPISTLE.

FROM A

GENTLEMAN TO HIS SON.

LONDON:

Printed for the Author, and Sold by W. Flexney, in Holborn.

Mdcclxxiv.

T H E    G R A C E S:

A

POETICAL EPISTLE.

Pride of my youth, and Comfort of my age!
To thee I consecrate this useful page.
Vers'd in the nicest arts of human kind,
To thee thy Parent pours forth all his mind;
And be it thine to treasure in thy heart
The grand arcana, which I now impart.

As Health derives its most important charge,
More from the smaller vessels than the large,
On small events so man's success depends,
By these alone he gains the greatest ends;
And as he keeps this maxim, or forsakes,
A Trifle marrs him, or a Trifle makes.

Court then the Graces, court! as I have done;
This rule adopt, or quit the name of Son.
This I will hollow constant in thy ear,
As loud as Hotspur hollow'd Mortimer:
I would not keep a cat, or feed a bird,
That pip'd ungraceful, or ungraceful purr'd[1].

Let strict Attention all your acts direct,
It wins Applause, as it denotes Respect.
Observe it in the most minute degree,
As well when out of, as in company.
Observe it even in the Shrine of Ease,
An error there the Goddess may displease.
Learn what materials will your purpose fit,
And next enquire the Quantum sufficit;
That quantum then in even folds dispose,
And wipe as cleanly, as you'd wipe your Nose.
In ev'ry circumstance, in ev'ry place,
The ease of Nature asks the ease of Grace.
What pity 'tis! a Gentleman can't send
This vulgar deed his Proxy to attend.
'Tis quite beneath the dignity of man,
So prithee, Child! avoid it—if you can;
But if it prove an irksome, windy war,
And nought, but vent, can terminate the jar;
Distinct and graceful, let th' explosion sound,
And fill with Harmony the sweet profound.

Think not that Merit of itself can raise
Promotion's ladder, or the step of Praise[2].
How came Sir Fletcher in the Speaker's Chair!
Did Merit, or the Graces place him there.
Without the Graces what would Thurloe be!
Thurloe the Sage—a brief without a fee;
If more polite, perhaps he might be Chief,
And then he'd have the Fee without the Brief.
Say! was it Merit, like a blazing Star,
That first distinguish'd Dunning at the Bar!
By Grace, and Attitude, the Prize he won,
For he and Grace, and Grace and he are one;
And whilst his rapid energy alarms,
The Lawyer strikes us—but th' Adonis charms.

To Justice Blackstone now direct your eyes,
With him in parts what other Justice vies!
'Twas his to comment, his to analyze,
And draw the cobweb-curtain from our eyes;
Each legal winding nicely to explore,
And give to Rufus one sound Lawyer more.
But what of that! he might have still retail'd
Inglorious Fees, had not his form prevail'd;
His gracious form, by Nature fram'd to please,
Which robs Antinous of half his ease.

To Physic now—that claims the second place.
Schomberg has Skill, but Pringle has the Grace;
And yet—but how I know not—I protest,
That Schomberg's universally carest;
Hated perhaps—for taking Nature's part—
By none, but the Professors of the Art.

Tho' Bromfield operates as quick as thought,
His Fame and Judgment would be set at nought
Did not the sweetness of his soft Address,
That graceful mode he carves with, more or less,
Conduce to save his happy patient's life,
And make him look with pleasure at his knife.

Thus with Divines. The multitude caress
The Preacher of the most expert Address.
'Tis not the doctrine that the crowd revere,
They go to please the eye, and not the ear;
Hundreds, in spite of those who truly teach,
To ——[3] flock, tho' Peterborough preach.

Think you (and this to Chatham I submit)
That parts superior rais'd the name of Pitt!
No—'twas that elegant, Hans Stanley Ease,
That manner soft, which could not fail to please;
That magic something, which yet wants a name,
And hands Great Tallboy to immortal fame.

Say! was it parts (tho' Walpole ne'er had more)
That held up North amidst a factious roar!
With cautious eye the steady helm he guides,
And o'er the sea of state triumphant rides.
Firm, as the solid rock, that nobly braves
The raving fury of the lashing waves,
He stands—and mocks, un-conscious of a shame,
The voice of Clamour, and the lies of Fame.
But did th' exertion of his parts alone
Give, or deserve the favour of the throne!
Tho' blest with Goodness both of Heart and Head,
That goodness had remain'd inert and dead,
His well-earn'd consequence would ne'er maintain,
Were he not Haslang'd in the Graces train.

But now to more familiar rules I fall,
And beg you'll practise and observe 'em all.
When at the Play, be all alike serene,
Or at the tragic, or the comic scene.
Let Humour (Garrick standing by her side)
With laughter loud plebeian mouths divide,
Whose ha! ha! ha's! the tender ear annoy.
Do thou disdain the coarse, unmeaning joy;[4]
Nor ope your lips, but purely to disclose
How white your teeth, how accurate the rows.

When Tragedy puts on her sable stole,
Whose very looks convey her very soul;
Whose words a murderer's repose defeat,
And make a Nabob shudder in his seat;
Whose plaintive tones can melt the worthy breast,
That ever melts, when Merit is distrest;
Who calls forth tears, of tears a copious store
From sullen eyes, that never wept before;
Tears that do honour to the human heart,
And such as Barry can at will impart;
When such the sympathy (tho' ne'er so strong)
Ah! catch not thou th' effusion of the throng;
For if they see you shed one real tear,
The very men who shift the scenes will sneer.

Now list attentive! list! whilst I unfold
A secret, that in verse has ne'er been told.
All think they know it, but 'tis known to few,
That is, how best to buckle on your shoe;
Tho' strong their judgment, and their fancy bright,
Ten do it wrong for one, who does it right.
On this side some, and some on that display
This useful ornament in awkward way.
But wiser thou! observe nor that, nor this,
Say what men will, both methods are amiss;
The medium of the foot denotes the place,
Its proper fixture for external grace[5].

With all his open manliness of mind,
Where solid sense, and sterling wit are join'd,
In life poor Classic never could advance,
The reason's plain—poor Classic could not dance.

How long in vain did learned Johnson toil!
And waste in busy thought the midnight oil:
Whose page the Critics ever must revere,
As long as genius is reputed dear,
Whose heart exults, or swells with honest rage,
As Vice, or Virtue marks the rising age;
Whose nervous writings shook the trump of Fame,
Yet left him nothing but a deathless name.
But when the features of each grace he wore,
And look'd as Johnson never look'd before,
Then came the meed, that honourable gain,
Which sheds such lustre over George's Reign,
That meed, which no good man can wish remov'd,
Hinted by Bute, by Majesty approv'd.

Adieu! and let the Graces be your text,[6]
But I'll be more explicit in my next:
There will I teach thee, with a sire's concern,
All that is proper for a son to learn:
In pleasing segments how to pare your nails,[7]
Segments must please, as long as taste prevails.
The conduct of your breeches there make known,
How best to pull 'em up, and let 'em down.
Teach thee to handle with peculiar grace,
The snuff-box, toothpick, and the toothpick-case,
And how to cut and eat a currant tart,
Nor let your napkin, or your chin have part.
Once more, my Child! adieu! Remember me,
And ne'er, O ne'er forget the Graces Three!
Hug 'em as close, as, when he goes to rest,
Hill hugs his graceful Order to his breast.

F I N I S.

FOOTNOTES:

[1] The graceful manner of speaking is particularly what I shall always hollow in your ear, as Hotspur hollow'd Mortimer to Henry the fourth, and like him, I have aimed to have a Starling taught to say, "Speak distinctly and gracefully," and send him you to replace your loss of the unfortunate Matzell, who by the way, I am told, spoke his language distinctly and gracefully.
Lord Chesterfield's Letter to his Son, page 305. 4to. edit. 1st. Vol.

[2] I must repeat it to you over and over again, that with all the knowledge which you may have at present, or hereafter acquire, and with all the merit that ever man had, if you have not a graceful address, &c. you will be nobody. Page 500, 1st. Vol.

[3] The reader is desired to fill up this blank to his own mind.

[4] You may often be seen to smile, but never heard to laugh, while you live. Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners. It is the manner in which the mob express their silly joy at silly things. In my mind there is nothing so illiberal and so ill-bred as audible laughter. Page 268.

[5] I am very glad you have received the diamond buckles safe. All I desire in return for them is, that they may be buckled even upon your foot, and that your stockings may not hide them.

[6] The Graces, the Graces, remember the Graces. Page 390.

[7] The ends of your nails should be small segments of circles, &c. every time that you wipe your hands, rub the skin round your nails backwards, that it may not grow up and shorten your nails too much. Vol. II. page 60.

THE

Fine Gentleman's Etiquette;

OR,

LORD CHESTERFIELD's

ADVICE TO

HIS SON,

VERSIFIED.

Price One Shilling.

(a) "Sufficiently master of Latin and Greek,"
You now, with the Graces, acquaintance must seek,
On Ida, we're told, the fair Goddesses dwell,
Invoke them by strong incantation, and spell,
Your incense once paid, on their candour rely,
"(b)With ardour pursu'd, they of course will comply;
"(c)So well know the poets their use my good friend,
"They make 'em, all three, upon Venus attend;
"And surely, if Venus, attractions cou'd need,
"Minerva, ungrac'd, cannot hope to succeed;"
Courage! mon garcon, throw the pedant aside,
And 'stead of friend [1]Harte, adopt me for your guide,
In courts, at ruells, you can ne'er hope to shine,
Unless with the virtues, the Graces combine:

I beg you'll acquire, or we ne'er shall agree,
The air, the tournure, de la bonne compagnie,
"(d) This soon among people of fash'on you'll catch,
"If careful you are, their behav'our to watch;
"Observe their address, and pray likewise contrive,
"Deep into the springs of their actions, to dive:
"'Bove all things, have art to discover each failing,
"Their merit particular, weakness prevailing;
"This accomplish'd, advantage you'll infinite reap,
"And may safe of their heads, and their hearts, take a peep."
Form friendships, but let it be only with those
On whose fond credulity you may impose;
Their confidence gain'd, unsuspected you'll soon,
Discover their secrets, and make them your own;
'Tis of honor no breach, to betray thus a friend,
If you find, to your int'rest, 'twill visibly tend:
These maxims, thro' life, I wou'd have you pursue,
I practis'd them once, and now hand them to you;
Successful they were, they brought honors and fame,
For still I had art to preserve my good name;
"(e) 'Twere wrong to suppose, what the polish'd world say;
"That in manners, and carr'age, you're horrid outré;"
"Your air [2]Pollissôn, and the taste of your cloaths,
"Makes you pass for a Bourgeois that nobody knows;
"In short, that you want, since the truth I must own,
"[3]Tous ces petits riens qui donnent le bon ton."
"(f) I happen'd, by chance, to step in tother day,
"To a print-shop, that luckily, stood in my way,
"Where a print, for your use, I took pains to select,
"And hope to my taste, you will pay due respect;
"'Tis of drawing the school, from a famous design
"Of Carlo Marratti, who stood first in the line
"Of eminent painters, in Europe that drew,"
Admir'd, by all lovers of taste, and Virtu:
"In the grey-headed sage the great master you see,
"His scholars he points to, in this you'll agree.
"Their several studies, on which he must speak,
"Are Perspective, Geometry, and statues antique:"
Of each, you a specimen fair will behold.—
But matters, so obvious, you scarce need be told.

"On the two former subjects, be pleas'd to observe,
"That quantum sufficit, of either, will serve;
"With regard to the latter, he clearly hath shewn,
"That never enough on that head can be known:"
But now to my favourite, much admir'd theme,
For which, I the Artist, immortal esteem
To you, with instruction divine it is fraught,
Not Apelles could more have excell'd in the thought.
"At top of the piece, in the clouds you will see,
"With dignity seated, the Graces All Three;
"And over them written this sentence quite plain,—
"Without us, depend on't, all labour is vain."

"Thus much for description, the print I shall send,
"With all possible speed by the hands of a friend,"
"And beg, adoration you will to it pay,
"Such as Catholics use to their saints when they pray:
"An ear, to my precepts, I hope you will lend,
"(g) Nor think, that those Graces, so oft' I commend,
"Must only [4]les jours de grand Gala be worn,
"Since each word, and action, they're meant to adorn."

"Your coffee to see you ungracefully sip,"
I know, beyond measure, would give me the hyp,
"If, by holding it aukward, your cloaths you should slop,"
In a fit, off my chair, I shou'd suddenly drop;
Nor less shou'd I feel, were I destin'd to view,
"A button'd up coat, or a wry buckled shoe:
"Good God! how excessively shocking my doom,
"If when I first see you come into my room;
"(h) Two aukward left legs, and a taylor-like air,
"My sight shou'd accost,"—by the Graces I swear,
All ties of affinity I shou'd disclaim,
And deem you, henceforth, a disgrace to my name.

"Your dress to correct, and your carriage to mend,
"Let le Tailleur, and what's more [5]Marcel stand your friend;
"Marcel, I'm persuaded, will soon teach you how,
"To turn out your toes, and to make a good bow;
"Nor do I despair, but he'll fashon outright,
"Your arms too, and legs, which are both in sad plight:
"Attend on his lessons, with diligent care,
"Of him you'll acquire, tous les Graces, les manieres;"
More useful, than classical knowledge, this art
"To deceive, we must first gain access to the heart;
"(i) The heart once engag'd," mind your mood, and your tense,
"And I'll venture my life you impose on the sense;
"This doctrine is orthodox, practis'd by me,
"—Address, is with Statesmen, the true master-key.
"(j) I greatly am chagrin'd, to find that you still
"Are absent, distrait, and present yourself ill,"
"That napkin, and bread, your knife, fork, and spoon,
"Where ever you dine, are thrown constantly down;"
To the infinite terror, I'm sorry to say,
Of the company's legs, that within their reach lay:
"Your dress and your person, you likewise neglect,"
A proof that my counsel you mean to reject;
From which I infer, that you ne'er will acquire,
"That tournure, those Graces," I so much admire:
"With the dead, I a thousand times better am pleas'd,
"Than a man who with fits of distraction is seiz'd;
"For tho' the defunct, no amusement can give,
"From him I no mark of contempt shall receive;
"So absent you seem, I am led to surmize,
"You seldom make use of your ears or your eyes;
"It therefore seems highly expedient to me,
"A flapper shou'd rouze you from this reverie;"
"But mark, on the subject, a word entres nous—
"For this new domestic I pay not a sous:
"That office, friend [6]Christian, must gratis discharge,"
Nor suffer you, solus, to wander at large,
Least strangers, that seldom their censure restrain,
Viva voce, shou'd deem you—a person insane:
"The use of those flappers, in Swift you may read,
"Of them the Laputans, your allies, stood in need;
"Whose minds, like to yours, by intense speculations,
"Were too much ingross'd to have useful sensations;
"And but for those flappers, I think there's no doubt
"Their brains 'gainst the posts, they had fairly beat out;"
The sum of my doctrine is [7]point des grimaces
Et point de distraction, mais souvenir les graces.
"(k) If you, at my table, shou'd meet Mr. L.
"A fatal catastrophy I can foretell,"
"Your heads, 'gainst each other, you'll merciless hit,
"And you'll haggle your fingers, instead of the meat;
"'Tis probable too," this deponent here saith,
"You both, may in winter, be scalded to death,
"By th'hasty infusion of soup boiling hot;"—
But more, on this head, this deponent says not.

I oft' from my memory seek to erase
An hour, unto you, big with shame and disgrace;
But vain the attempt, it will uppermost be,
Good heav'n forefend! I the like shou'd e'er see:
For certain it is, as I now am alive,
Another such shock I cou'd never survive:
[8]The fact I allude to you'll easily guess,
'Twas when with some friends of esteem'd politesse,
With me you once din'd, to my grief be it said,
And no little hole in your manners then made:
Blanche mange, which you doat on, was part of our fare,
Abhorr'd! be the minute, when first it came there.—
Henceforth, for your sake, I Blanche mange shall detest,
'Tho of colour the whitest, and flavour the best;
For when, you close siege, to a pyramid laid,
No respect was to persons, or decency paid:
You not only ate, 'till you cou'd eat no more,
But with it, disfigur'd your visage all o'er:
Your portrait was that, if a likeness you'd have,
Of a man ready lather'd, just going to shave:
Transported with rage, I cou'd scarce keep my seat,
And words, only found, to advise a retreat;
And order your servant to wash your face clean,
Since so dirty a spectacle never was seen:
Where then were the Graces?—that hour sound they slept,
Or else on mount Ida a jubilee kept.

To acquire the bon ton, and excel in address,
Are points upon which I must ever lay stress;
So useful they are, of importance so great,
You'll find 'em, through life, so essential a bait;
That without them as soon may you hope to succeed,
As a man teach the Classicks that never could read:
My counsel is sterling, pray bear it in mind,
A Statesman I was, and belov'd by mankind;
In pleasure, or bus'ness, les grace, les manieres,
Ensure one success, with the grave, or the fair.

"Your manners to polish, and time to amuse,
"I hope you have chosen a good [9]décrotteuse;
"(l) While aukward and gauche, which at present I fear"
You must not, the hem of my garment come near;
"Great merit esteem will procure it is true,
"But merit alone, be assur'd will not do.
"(m) Your riding and dancing I hope will conduce
"To fash'on your limbs, and to teach them their use;"
I'd have you describ'd, by your air degagée,
In order to which, il vous faut dégourdis,[10]
Of women, you best, les agrément will learn,
But be sure, in your choice, that you rightly discern,
'Twixt the dissolute fair, that wou'd ruin your fame,
And her, that real lustre will add to your name:
My joy were compleat, could I hear the world say,
Ah! comme il est galant ce petit Anglois!

"(n) At Paris arriv'd, you must take 'special care,
"To dress as the people of fash'on do there;
"This does not in finery so much consist,
"As the manner of wearing your cloaths, and the taste.
"Employ the best taylor the place will afford,
"Since much will depend on your premier abord,
[11]Comme un homme du grand monde il vous faut habillé
[12]Toûjours à la mode, et bien proprement mis:
"Pray find a good frisieur to do your hair well,
"Since that of your dress, is a part material:
"(o) Apropos, of your legs,—garter well up your hose,
"Lest careless they hang o'er the tops of your shoes;
"For nought gives a man a more slovenly air,
"Than aukward dress'd legs, and a rough head of hair
"(p) Be powder'd, be feather'd, be lac'd I entreat,"
From the crown of your head, to the soles of your feet;
They must not of fashion, an atom neglect,
That hope, from the women, to challenge respect;
"Whose suffrage to gain, I must beg you'll aspire,
"Since only of them you can lustre acquire."

"(q) My diamond buckles I fully propose,
"Your feet shall adorn, mine they now wou'd expose;"
"Of all things in nature I mostly abhor,"
A Beau, on the verge, of years fifty and four:
Accept them, I beg, with injunction severe,
"(r) To buckle them straight," since to me 'tis not clear,
But one on the outside your foot may be plac'd,
And one on the in, as a proof of your taste;
If this, of a certainty, I cou'd but know,
Without shoes, or buckles, for me you should go.

"(s) Of swords, canes, and snuff boxes, might I advise,
"If elegant, one may of each well suffice:"
There are, who will lavish, on baubles like these,
A sum wou'd procure independence and ease:
Such Beings, alas! not a shilling would lend,
To save from despair, a poor indigent friend:
Oh! shut not your ear, 'gainst the cry of distress,
May the sense of their woes, prove their means of redress:
Tho' chance, in your favour, some difference has made,
No distinction to rank, will hereafter be paid:
Sufficient that thought, human pride to subdue,
Pray let it not pass unregarded by you.

"(t) [13]Comment vont les Graces, prithee how do they fare,
"Of them have you studied [14]le grand art de plaire?
"If you, in the beau monde, success would ensure,
"(u) In your manners attend to a certain douceur:
"The French, this douceur, do most highly esteem,
"'Tis in short [15]l'aimable, le tout chose with them;
Acquire it, dear Phil, or I fair warning give,—
I ne'er wish to see you as long as you live.

"(v) In your person be cleanly, I humbly intreat,
"And attend to your teeth, that your breath may be sweet,
"Your nails too keep par'd, I outrageous should be,
"If them, tipt with black, I should happen to see.
"By you, may these hints, not improper be held,
"(w) Since once, 'bove your fellows, in dirt you excell'd;
"And oft', when a lad, have you suffer'd disgrace,
"For neglecting to wash both your hands, and your face:"
'Tho trifling these matters, to you, may appear,
With me, they weigh more than the gold of Ophir;
Since a dunce well accomplish'd more merit can boast,
Than a book-worm that smells of the deep college rust.
A father, I am, to your faults nothing blind,
And claim a free licence for speaking my mind;
"By this lecture on cleanliness, all I propose is,
"(x) That you may not offend peoples eyes, or their noses."

"(y) A bill I receiv'd, but the truth to confess,
"It puzzl'd me much at the drawer to guess;
"No advice you had given of such an intent,
"From which I suspected, a fraud might be meant;
"Since always in matters of business, like these,
"'Tis usual the party in time to apprize:
"And what more confirmed these suspicions, my friend,
"It did not appear to have ever been sign'd:
"The person that brought it, desir'd me to look,
"Again at the bottom, where what I mistook
"For somebody's mark, by the help of a glass,
"Your name really prov'd,—to my sorrow, alas!
"Since wrote in a hand, both the worst, and the least,
"In my life I beheld, it must needs be confess'd:
"And rather, by far, I'd have lost the whole sum,
"Than such a vile scrawl from your hand should have come.

(z) In spelling, my son, I shall give you your due,
For so great a proficient on yearth I ne'er knew;
"Enduce, for induce, you now actually spell,
"For grandeur, grandure, which to you sounds as well;
"Two capital blunders, I beg you will note,
"Since few of my house-maids such stuff wou'd have wrote:"
To give my ideas at once their full scope,
Your progress in nonsense, inclines me to hope,
That soon an epistle, from you I shall see,
Wherein will be spelt the word joy with a g.

(a) I well am inform'd, there is still in your speech,
"A most disagreeable hobble, or hitch;"
Not yet to have conquer'd bad habits, dear Phil,
With me, needs must wear the appearance of ill;
Still falsely attach'd to the errors of youth,
Still aukward in manners, in speech still uncouth:
I dare not the flattering hope entertain,
That you, as an orator, credit will gain;
If so, to my pride 'twill an overthrow be,
And certain disgrace must accrue unto thee:
"(b) At Athens, to orat'ry, such the respect,
"That of it, herb women, were judges correct:"
But lest my assertion with you shou'd want weight,
I'll venture a story in point to relate:

Theophrastus, at Athens, one day in the street,
By chance, with an herb-woman, happen'd to meet;
A question he ask'd: he not speaking Greek pure,
A stranger she call'd him,—of this I am sure,
Thou art not of Athens, a city renown'd,
For oratory, elegance, learning profound:
Her judgment I praise, not mistaken was she,
It prov'd, that of Athens, no native was he:
Apply to yourself, what above I have wrote,
That you, thro' neglect, may no stranger be thought:
I ne'er can the study enough recommend,
Your fortune, and character, on it depend;
My protection you'll forfeit, the truth I must speak,
(c) Unless you a figure in Parliament make.

"(d) On carving, a hint I shall venture to give,
"Attention it claims, ev'ry day that you live:
"Do you carve with adroitness, the truth prithee own,
"Without hacking, at least half an hour cross a bone:
"Or spatt'ring the sauce in your company's faces,
"And into their pockets o'erturning the glasses;"
While labouring you seem, and at no common rate,
With your sleeve, all the time, in your next neighbour's plate?
Such aukward behaviour admits no excuse,
'Tis avoided with ease, by attention and use;
I therefore shall hope, that e'er this you are able,
To acquit yourself well at the head of a table:
The reverse shou'd it prove (which good heav'n avert)
Believe me, the shock, I but ill could support;
To find you distrait, aukward, clumsy, ill-bred,
And only in books, not in manners well read;
I frankly confess, I shall wish from my soul,
We two may be distant, as South from North pole.

With regard to your gallantry, much has been said,
'Tho silence profound, you observe on that head,
"(e) Your converse with women, respectful must be,
"But likewise observe au meme temps enjoué:
"(f) On score of their beauty, good sense, or their graces,
"The sex you may flatter, all times, in all cases;
"They love admiration, and think it can ne'er,
"On any conditions be purchas'd too dear:
"These hints from the sex, must with care be conceal'd,
"No mercy expect if they once are reveal'd;"
Revenge is their passion, and well I discern,
"(g) Like Orpheus, in pieces, by them you'd be torn:"
"(h) One maxim pray treasure as long as you live,
"No mark of contempt either sex will forgive;
"The vanity flatter'd of women, or men,
"Ensures you success with just nine out of ten:"

Resolve me a question I wish much to know,
"(i) Your passion, how stands it, for Madame de Blot?
"Does she list to your tale, are there hopes of success?
"To me, you the secret, may safely confess:
"On giving the mohair, occasion will serve,
"Pour faire le galant, which you'll doubtless observe;"
Te Deum I'll sing when the vict'ry is sure,—
'Tho much I suspect you'll not prove her meilcour;
"She, constant has been to her husband, they say,
"And married, poor soul! 'bove a year and a day;"
Small chance do you stand with a woman so chaste,—
Exclude her, at once, from the region of taste
A beauty obdurate, to lovers a score!
At Paris, the thing was ne'er heard of before;
By you, if the willow, for her must be worn,
No French woman she, in her heart, I'll be sworn.

"In all that you do, and whatever you say,
"I hope, to the Graces, you sacrifice pay,
"Assiduously courted, their favour you'll gain,"
So shall not, my labour of love, "be in vain."

F I N I S.

NUMBERED FOOTNOTES:

[1] Mr. Harte, Mr. Stanhope's tutor.

[2] Slovenly air.

[3] Those little nothings that give the ton.

[4] High Court, or Jubilee Days.

[5] A famous dancing master at that time in Paris.

[6] Mr. Stanhope's gentleman.

[7] No distortion of countenance, or aukward behaviour; no absence of mind; but to keep the Graces always in remembrance.

[8] Mr. Stanhope dined one day with some company at his father's, when the following circumstance happen'd, which so much enrag'd him, that he called for his servant to take him from table and wash him clean.

[9] A female polisher of manners.

[10] Have your stiffness remov'd.

[11] You should dress like a man of the great world.

[12] Always in the fashion, and your cloaths well put on.

[13] What success with the Graces.

[14] The great art of pleasing.

[15] The amiable, the every thing.

LETTERED FOOTNOTES:

(a) Page 5. second volume.

(b) Page 92. second volume.

(c) Page 33. ditto.

(d) Page 53. second volume.

(e) Page 17. second volume.

(f) Page 101. second volume.

(g) Page 106. second volume.

(h) Page 218. second volume.

(i) Page 227. second volume.

(j) Page 216. ditto.

(k) Page 262. second volume.

(l) Page 92. second volume.

(m) Page 18. ditto.

(n) Page 73. third volume.

(o) Page 220. second volume.

(p) Page 332. second volume.

(q) Page 181. ditto.

(r) Page 66. third volume.

(s) Page 220. second volume.

(t) Page 153. third volume.

(u) Page 108. third volume.

(v) Page 74. third volume.

(w) Page 74. ditto.

(x) Page 182. second volume.

(y) Page 113. third volume.

(z) Page 81. third volume.

(a) Page 42. ditto.

(b) Page 43. third volume.

(c) Page 283. second volume.

(d) Page 68. ditto.

(e) Page 332. second volume.

(f) Page 57. ditto.

(g) Page 57. second volume.

(h) Page 178. third volume.

(i) Page 351. second volume.

William Andrews Clark Memorial Library: University of California

The Augustan Reprint Society

General Editors

R.C. Boys
University of Michigan

Ralph Cohen
University of California, Los Angeles

Vinton A. Dearing
University of California, Los Angeles

Lawrence Clark Powell
Wm. Andrews Clark Memorial Library

Corresponding Secretary: Mrs. Edna C. Davis, Wm. Andrews Clark Memorial Library

The Society's purpose is to publish reprints (usually facsimile reproductions) of rare seventeenth and eighteenth century works. All income of the Society is devoted to defraying costs of publication and mailing.

Correspondence concerning subscriptions in the United States and Canada should be addressed to the William Andrews Clark Memorial Library, 2205 West Adams Boulevard, Los Angeles 18, California. Correspondence concerning editorial matters may be addressed to any of the general editors. The membership fee is $4.00 a year for subscribers in the United States and Canada and 15/-for subscribers in Great Britain and Europe. British and European subscribers should address B.H. Blackwell, Broad Street, Oxford, England.

Publications for the fourteenth year (1959-1960)

Six items, most of them from the following list, will be reprinted.

Two Burlesques of Chesterfield (1774, 1776). Selected, with an introduction, by Sidney Gulick. Richard Savage, An Author to be Let (1732). Introduction by James Sutherland. William Herbert, Third Earl of Pembroke. Poems (1660). Introduction by Gaby Onderwyzer. Francis Hutcheson, Reflections on Laughter (1729). Introduction by Scott Elledge. Eighteenth-Century Newspaper Essays on the Theatre. Selected, with an introduction, by John Loftis. [Peter Whalley] An Essay on the Manner of Writing History (1746). Introduction by Keith Stewart. Sawney and Colley [1742] and other Pope pamphlets. Edited, with an introduction, by W. Powell Jones. Henry Fuseli, Remarks on the Writings and Conduct of J. J. Rousseau (1767). Introduction by Karl S. Guthke. [Charles Croke] Fortune's Uncertainty (1667). Introduction by William Matthews.

Single copies of past publications, except those which are out of print, are available at $.75 each. A list of publications in print may be obtained by writing to the Society.

THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY
WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY
2205 West Adams Boulevard, Los Angeles 18, California

Make check or money order payable to The Regents of the University of California.

Transcriber's Notes

A. "The Graces"

On p. 2, extra quotation mark deleted in the phrase "speak distinctly and gracefully" in footnote 1.

On page 7, "observe e'm all" has been amended to "observe 'em all".

On p. 21 The redundant double quotation mark after "grandure" has been deleted.

B. "The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette"

These typos have been amended:

On p. 7, "supprose" has been amended to "suppose".

On p. 20, "you hand" has been amended to "your hand".

This poem makes much use of quotation marks. It is not always certain that they have been put in the correct place, but they have been left unchanged.

In "The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette", there are two sets of footnotes. One set, which contains references to Chesterfield's Letters, is anchored with lower-case alphabetic characters, and placed after the relevant paragraph. The second set is anchored with Arabic numerals and placed at the end of the poem.

In footnote 4 the word "days" had "s" printed in reverse. This is now printed the right way round.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Two Burlesques of Lord Chesterfield's
Letters., by Anonymous

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWO BURLESQUES OF LORD ***

***** This file should be named 38149-h.htm or 38149-h.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/1/4/38149/

Produced by Tor Martin Kristiansen, Margo Romberg, Joseph
Cooper and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net

Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.

Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.

*** START: FULL LICENSE ***

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.org/license).

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that

- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."

- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.

- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.

- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm

Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.

The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org

For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
gbnewby@pglaf.org

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.

Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:

http://www.gutenberg.org

This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.