Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 18, July 30, 1870, by Various

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 18, July 30, 1870

Author: Various

Release Date: November 7, 2003 [EBook #10014]
[Date last updated: October 14, 2005]

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 18 ***

Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and PG Distributed Proofreaders

CONANT'S

PATENT BINDERS FOR

"PUNCHINELLO",

to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, on receipt of One Dollar,

by

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,

83 Nassau Street, New York City.

J.M. SPRAGUE

Is the Authorized Agent of

"PUNCHINELLO"

For the

New England States,

To Procure Subscriptions,
and to Employ Canvassers.

HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S

STEEL PENS.

These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called to the following grades, as being better suited for business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The

"505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive."

We recommend for bank and office use.

D. APPLETON & CO.,
Sole Agents for United States.

PUNCHINELLO

Vol. I. No. 18.

SATURDAY, JULY 30, 1870.

PUBLISHED BY THE

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,

83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.

See 15th page for Extra Premiums.

APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN

"PUNCHINELLO"

SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO

J. NICKINSON,

Room No. 4,

83 NASSAU STREET.

TO NEWS-DEALER.

Punchinello's Monthly.

The Weekly Numbers for June,

Bound in a Handsome Cover,

Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents.

THE TRADE

Supplied by the

AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,

Who are now prepared to receive Orders.

FORST & AVERELL

Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Pres

PRINTERS,

EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL MANUFACTURERS.

Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application.

23 Platt Street, and
20-22 Gold Street,
[P.O. Box 2845.]
NEW YORK.

A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK.

MATERNITY.

A POPULAR TREATISE

For Young Wives and Mothers.

BY T.S. VERDI, A.M., M.D.,
OF WASHINGTON, D.C.

DR. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large experience. His book has arisen from a want felt in his own practice, as a Monitor to Young Wives, a Guide to Young Mothers, and an assistant to the family physician. It deals skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the perplexities of early married life, as connected with the holy duties of Maternity, giving information which women must have, either in conversation with physicians, or from such a source as this—evidently the preferable mode of learning, for a delicate and sensitive woman. Plain and intelligible, but without offense to the most fastidious taste, the style of this book must commend it to careful perusal. It treats of the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and medical treatment of infants and children throughout all the perils of early life.

As a Mother's Manual, it will have a large sale, and as a book of special and reliable information on very important topics, it will be heartily welcomed.

Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, extra English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25.

For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent post-paid on receipt of the price by

J.B. FORD & CO., Publishers,
39 Park Row, New York.

J. NICKINSON

Begs to announce to the friends of

"PUNCHINELLO,"

residing in the country, that, for their convenience, he has made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of

ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,

the same will be forwarded, postage paid.

Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two Stamps.

OFFICE OF

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,

83 Nassau Street.

P.O. Box 2783.

DIBBLEEANIA

AND

Japonica Juice,

FOR THE HAIR.

The most effective Soothing and Stimulating Compounds ever offered to the public for the

Removal of Scurf, Dandruff, &c.

For consultation, apply at

WILLIAM DIBBLEE'S,

Ladies' Hair Dresser and Wig Maker.

854 BROADWAY, N.Y. City.

FOLEY'S

GOLD PENS.

THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.

256 BROADWAY.

What it is Not!

The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT
The College Courant is NOT

Merely a small student's sheet,
Merely of interest to college men,
Merely a COLLEGE paper,
Merely a local paper,
Merely scientific and educational,
An experiment,
Conducted by students,
Stale and dry,

But is the largest in N.E.
But to every one,
But is a scientific paper,
But is cosmopolitan,
But is literary,
But an established weekly
But by graduates,
But fresh and interesting

It circulates in every College.
It circulates in every Professional School.
It circulates in every Preparatory School.
It circulates in every State in the United States.
It circulates in every civilized country.
It circulates among all College men.
It circulates among all Scientific men.
It circulates among the educated everywhere.

July 1st a new volume commences.
July 1st 10,000 new subscribers wanted.
July 1st excellent illustrations will appear.
July 1st 10,000 specimen copies to be issued.
July 1st is a good time to subscribe.
July 1st or any time send stamp for a copy.

TERMS:

One year, in advance, - - - - - - - - - - - - - $4.00
Single copies (for sale by all newsdealers), - - .10

Address

THE COLLEGE COURANT,

New Haven, Conn.

NEWS DEALERS.
ON
RAILROADS,
STEAMBOATS,
And at
WATERING PLACES,

Will find the Monthly Numbers of

"PUNCHINELLO"

For April, May, June, and July, an attractive and Saleable Work.

Single Copies
Price 50 cts.

For trade price address American News Co., or

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING & CO.,

83 Nassau Street.

$2
to ALBANY and TROY.

The Day Line Steamboats C. Vibbard and Daniel Drew, commencing May 31, will leave vestry st. Pier at 8.45, and Thirty-fourth st. at 9 a.m., landing at Yonkers, (Nyack, and Tarrytown by ferry-boat), Cozzens, West Point, Cornwall, Newburgh, Poughkeepsie, Rhinebeck, Bristol, Catskill, Hudson, and New-Baltimore. A special train of broad-gauge cars in connection with the day boats will leave on arrival at Albany (commencing June 20) for Sharon Springs. Fare $4.25 from New York and for Cherry Valley. The Steamboat Seneca will transfer passengers from Albany to Troy.

WEVILL & HAMMAR,

Wood Engravers,

208 Broadway,

NEW YORK.

ESTABLISHED 1866. JAS R. NICHOLS, M.D. WM. J. ROLFE. A.M.
Editors

Boston Journal of Chemistry.

Devoted to the Science of HOME LIFE, The Arts, Agriculture, and Medicine. $1.00 Per Year. Journal and Punchinello (without Premium). $4.00

SEND FOR SPECIMEN-COPY Address—JOURNAL OF CHEMISTRY, 150 CONGRESS STREET, BOSTON.

Bowling Green Savings-Bank

33 BROADWAY,

NEW YORK.

Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M.

Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received.

Six per Cent interest, Free of Government Tax

Commences on the First of every Month.

HENRY SMITH, President

REEVES E. SELMES, Secretary.

WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, Vice-Presidents.

HENRY L. STEPHENS,

ARTIST,

No. 160 FULTON STREET,

NEW YORK.

GEO. B. BOWLEND,

Draughtsman & Designer

No. 160 Fulton Street,

Room No. 11,

NEW YORK.

Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
in the Clerk's Office of the District court of the United States, for the Southern District of New York.

THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.

AN ADAPTATION,

BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.

CHAPTER XII.

A NIGHT OF IT WITH MCLAUGHLIN.

Judge SWEENEY, with a certain supercilious consciousness that he is figuring in a novel, and that it will not do for him to thwart the eccentricities of mysterious fiction by any commonplace deference to the mere meteorological weaknesses of ordinary human nature, does not allow the fact that late December is a rather bleak and cold time of year to deter him from taking daily airings in the neighborhood of the Ritualistic churchyard. Since the inscription of his epitaph on his late wife upon her monument therein, the churchyard is to him a kind of ponderous work of imagination with marble leaves, to which he has contributed the most brilliant chapter; and when he sees any stranger hovering about a part of the outer railings from whence the inscription may be read, it is with all the swelling pride of an author who, having procured the publication of some dreary article in a magazine, is thrown into an ecstacy of vanity if he sees but one person glance at that number of the periodical on a news-stand.

Since his first meeting with Mr. BUMSTEAD, on the evening of the epitaph-reading, Judge SWEENEY has cultivated that gentleman's acquaintance, and been received at his lodgings several times with considerable cordiality and lemon-tea. On such occasions, Mr. BUMSTEAD, in his musical capacity, has sung so closely in Judge SWEENEY'S ear as to tickle him, a wild and slightly incoherent Ritualistic stave, to the effect that Saint PETER'S of Rome, with pontifical dome, would by ballot Infallible be; but for making Call sure, and Election secure, Saint Repeater's of Rum beats the See. With finger in ear to allay the tickling sensation, JUDGE SWEENEY declares that this young man smelling of cloves is a person of great intellectual attainments, and understands the political genius of his country well enough to make an excellent Judge of Election.

Walking slowly near the churchyard on this particular freezing December evening, with his hands behind his bank, and his eyes intent for any envious husband who may be "with a rush retiring," monumentally counselled, after reading the Epitaph, Judge SWEENEY suddenly comes upon Father DEAN conversing with SMYTHE, the sexton, and Mr. BUMSTEAD. Bowing to these three, who, like himself, seem to find real luxury in open-air strolling on a bitter night in midwinter, he notices that his model, the Ritual Rector, is wearing a new hat, like Cardinal's, only black, and is immediately lost in wondering where he can obtain one like it short of Rome.

"You look so much like an author, Mr. BUMSTEAD, in having no overcoat, wearing your paper collar upside down, and carrying a pen behind your ear," Father DEAN is saying, "that I can almost fancy you are about to write a book about us. Well, Bumsteadville is just the place to furnish a nice, dry, inoffensive domestic novel in the sedative vein."

After two or three ineffectual efforts to seize the end of it, which he seems to think is an inch or two higher than its actual position, Mr. BUMSTEAD finally withdraws from between his right ear and head a long and neatly cut hollow straw.

"This is not a pen, Holy Father," he answers, after a momentary glance of majestic severity at Mr. SMYTHE, who has laughed. "It is only a simple instrument which I use, as a species of syphon, in certain chemical experiments with sliced tropical fruit and glass-ware. In the precipitation of lemon-slices into cut crystal, it is necessary for the liquid medium to be exhausted gradually; and, after using this cylinder of straw for the purpose about an hour ago, I must have placed it behind my ear in a moment of absent-mindedness."

"Ah, I see," said Father DEAN, although he didn't. "But what is this, Judge SWEENEY, respecting your introduction of MCLAUGHLIN to Mr. BUMSTEAD, which I have heard about?"

"Why, your Reverence, I consider JOHN MCLAUGHLIN a Character," responds the Judge, "and thought our young friend of the organ-loft might like to study him."

"The truth is," explains Mr. BUMSTEAD, "that Judge SWEENEY put into my head to do a few pauper graves with JOHN MCLAUGHLIN, some moonlight night, for the mere oddity and dampness of the thing.—And I should regret to believe," added Mr. BUMSTEAD, raising his voice as saw that the judiciary was about to interrupt—"And I should really be loathe to believe that Judge SWEENEY was not perfectly sober when he did so."

"Oh, yes—certainly—I remember—to be sure," exclaims the Judge, in great haste; alarmed into speedy assent by the construction which he perceives would be put upon a denial. "I remember it very distinctly. I remember putting it into your head—by the tumblerful, if I remember rightly."

"Profiting by your advice," continues Mr. BUMSTEAD, oblivious to the last sentence, I am going out to-night, in search of the moist and picturesque, with JOHN MCLAUGHLIN—"

"Who is here," says Father DEAN.

OLD MORTARITY, dinner-kettle in hand and more mortary than ever, indeed seen approaching them with shuffling gait. Bowing to the Holy Father, he is about to pass on, when Judge SWEENEY stops him with—

"You must be very careful with your friend, BUMSTEAD, this evening, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN, and see that he don't fall and break his neck."

"Never you worry about Mr. BUMSTEAD, Judge," growls OLD MORTARITY. "He can walk further off the perpendicklar without tumbling than any gentleman I ever see."

"Of course I can, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN," says Mr. BUMSTEAD, checking another unseemly laugh of Mr. SMYTHE'S with a dreadful frown. "I often practice walking sideways, for the purpose of developing the muscles on that side. The left side is always the weaker, and the hip a trifle lower, if one does not counteract the difference by walking sideways occasionally."

A great deal of unnecessary coughing, which follows this physiological exposition, causes Mr. BUMSTEAD to breathe hard at them all for a moment, and tread with great malignity upon Mr. SMYTHE'S nearest corn.

While yet the sexton is groaning, OLD MORTARITY whispers to the Ritualistic organist that he will be ready for him at the appointed hour to-night, and shuffles away. After which Mr. BUMSTEAD, with the I hollow straw sticking out fiercely from his ear, privately offers to see Father DEAN home if he feels at all dizzy; and, being courteously refused, retires down the turnpike toward his own lodgings with military precision of step.

When night falls upon the earth like a drop of ink upon the word Sun, and the stars glitter like the points of so many poised gold pens all ready to write the softer word Moon above the blot, the organist of St. Cow's sits in his own room, where his fire keeps-up a kind of aspenish twilight, and executes upon his accordeon a series of wild and mutilated airs. The moistened towel which he often wears when at home is turbaned upon his head, causing him to present a somewhat Turkish appearance; and as, when turning a particularly complicated corner in an air, it is his artistic habit to hold his tongue between his teeth, twist his head in sympathy with the elaborate fingering, and involuntarily lift one foot higher and higher from the floor as some skittish note frantically dodges to evade him, his general musical aspect at his own hearth is that of a partially Oriental gentleman, agonizingly laboring to cast from him some furious animal full of strange sounds. Thus engaging in desperate single combat with what, for making a ferocious fight before any recognizable tune can he rescued from it, is, perhaps, the most exhausting instrument known to evening amateurs and maddened neighborhoods, Mr. BUMSTEAD passes three athletic hours. At the end of that time, after repeatedly tripping-up its exasperated organist over wrong keys in the last bar, the accordeon finally relinquishes the concluding note with a dismal whine of despair, and retires in complete collapse to its customary place of waiting. Then the conquering performer changes his towel for a hat which would look better if it had not been so often worn in bed, places an antique black bottle in one pocket of his coat and a few cloves in the other; hangs an unlighted lantern before him by a cord passing about his neck, and, with his umbrella under his arm, goes softly down stairs and out of the house.

Repairing to the marble-yard and home of OLD MORTARITY, which are on the outskirts of Bumsteadville, he wanders through mortar-heaps, monuments brought for repair, and piles of bricks, toward a whitewashed residence of small demensions with a light at the window.

"JOHN McLAUGHLIN, ahoy!"

In response, the master of the mansion promptly opens the door, and it is then perceptible that his basement, parlor, spare-bedroom and attic are all on one floor, and that a couple of pigs are spending the season with him. Showing his visitor into this ingeniously condensed establishment, he induces the pigs to retire to a corner, and then dons his hat.

"Are you ready, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN?"

"Please the pigs, I am, Mr. BUMSTEAD," answers MCLAUGHLIN, taking down from a hook a lantern, which, like his companion's, he hangs from his neck by a cord. "My spirits is equal to any number of ghosts to-night, sir, if we meet 'em."

"Spirits!" ejaculates the Ritualistic organist, shifting his umbrella for a moment while he hurriedly draws the antique bottle from his pocket. "You're nervous to-night, J. MCLAUGHLIN, and need a little of the venerable JAMES AKER'S West Indian Restorative.—I'll try it first to make sure that I haven't mistaken the phial."

He rests the elongated orifice of the diaphanous flask upon his lips for a brief interval of critical inspection, and then applies it thoughtfully to the mouth of OLD MORTARITY.

"Some more! Some more!" pleads the aged MCLAUGHLIN, when the Jamaican nervine is abruptly jerked from his lips.

"Silence! Com on," is the stern response of the other, who, as he moves from the house, and restores the crystal antiquity to its proper pocket, eats a few cloves by stealth. His manner plainly shows that he is offended at the quantity the old man has managed to swallow already.

Strange indeed is the ghastly expedition to the place of skulls, upon which these two go thus by night. Not strange, perhaps, for Mr. MCLAUGHLIN, whose very youth in New York, where he was an active politician, found him a frequent nightly familiar of the Tombs; but strange for the organist, who, although often grave in his manner, sepulchral in his tones, and occasionally addicted to coughin', must be curiously eccentric to wish to pass into concert that evening with the dead heads.

Transfixed by his umbrella, which makes him look like a walking cross between a pair of boots and a hat, Mr. BUMSTEAD leads the way athwart the turnpike and several fields, until they have arrived at a low wall skirting the foot of Gospeler's Gulch. Here they catch sight of the Reverend OCTAVIUS SIMPSON and MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON walking together, near the former's house, in the moonlight, and, instantaneously, Mr. BUMSTEAD opens his umbrella over the head of OLD MORTARITY, and drags him down beside himself under it behind the wall.

"Hallo! What's all this?" gasps Mr. MCLAUGHLIN, struggling affrightedly in his suffocating cage of whalebone and alpaca. "What's this here old lady's hoop-skirt doing on me?"

"Peace, wriggling dotard!" hisses BUMSTEAD, jamming the umbrella tighter over him. "If they see us they'll want some of the West Indian Restorative."

Mr. SIMPSON and MONTGOMERY have already heard a sound; for they pause abruptly in their conversation, and the latter asks: "Could it have been a ghost?"

"Ask it if it's a ghost," whispers the Gospeler, involuntarily crossing himself.

"Are you there, Mr. G.?" quavers the raised voice of the young Southerner, respectfully addressing the inquiry to the stone wall.

No answer.

"Well," mutters the Gospeler, "it couldn't have been a ghost, after all; but I certainly thought I saw an umbrella. To conclude what I was saying, then,—I have the confidence in you, Mr. MONTGOMERY, to believe that you will attend the dinner of Reconciliation on Christmas eve, as you have promised."

"Depend on me, sir."

"I shall; and have become surety for your punctuality to that excellent and unselfish healer of youthful wounds, Mr. BUMSTEAD."

More is said after this; but the speakers have strolled to the other side of the Gospeler's house, and their words cannot be distinguished Mr. BUMSTEAD closes his umbrella with such suddenness and violence as to nearly pull off the head of MCLAUGHLIN; drives his own hat further upon his nose with a sounding blow; takes several wild swallows from his antique flask; eats two cloves, and chuckles hoarsely to himself for some minutes. "Here, 'JOHN MCLAUGHLIN," he says, at last "try a little more West Indian Restorative, and then we'll go and do a few skeletons."

(To be Continued.)

What is Likely to be Raised some day, regarding the Pneumatic Tunnel.

TUBAL. CAIN.

PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

In order to make this department of PUNCHINELLO as complete as possible, we have secured the services of the most competent authorities in literature, art, the sciences in general, history, biography, and the vast vague unknown. The answers furnished by us to our correspondents may therefore be relied upon as being strictly accurate.

Scales.—How old was DANIEL LAMBERT at the time of his death?

Answer.—736 lbs.

Ignoramus.—Why were the Roman Saturnalia so called?

Answer.—The proper spelling of the word is Sauternalia. They were wine feasts; and the vintage most in favor at them was Haut Sauterne.

Chasseur. Is the antelope to be classed among the goat family?

Answer.—No. MOORE calls it a "deer gazelle."

Armiger.—Is "arm's length" a recognized measure?

Answer.—Yes. It is a Standard measure, as may be seen in the way that journal is getting ahead of the Sun, which it keeps at arm's length.

Molar.—Yes; burnt Cork is an excellent dentifrice. It should not
be applied to the teeth of children, however, as it is apt to impart an
Irish accent, or, in extreme cases, even a negro dialect.

Bookworm.—Do two negatives always constitute an affirmative?

Answer.—That depends upon the price charged by the photographer.

Sunswick—Is it true that JAMES FISK, Jr., has purchased Baden and
another German Duchy?

Answer.—No: but he could have both if he wanted two.

Rockland.—Who are the suffering persons represented in DORE'S
remarkable picture of DANTE and VIRGIL visiting the frozen ward of the
Inferno?

Answer.—The Knickerbocker Ice Company.

Solitaire.—On what day did the Fourth of July fall in the year 1788?

Answer.—On the Fourth.

James Lobbs.—How long ago is it since desiccated soup first came
into use?

Answer.—At least as long ago as the days of CROMWELL, whose advice to his troops was "Put your trust in Providence, and keep your chowder dry."

Bach.—Is the practice of divorce a mark of civilization?

Answer—It is. In the Gorilla family, (the nearest approach to the human,) divorce is not practiced, but it is in Indiana, which is usually considered to be a State of Civilization.

PAT TO THE QUESTION.

Our law-makers in Congress—or rather law-cobblers, for few of them have risen to the dignity of makers—are asked to repeal the per cap. duty imposed by California on all Chinamen imported there.

The Californians have the authority of Congress itself, for this duty. By reference to "HEYL'S Rates of Duties on Imports," page 36, art. 691, under head of "Act of June 30, 1864, chap. 171," "An act to increase Duties on Imports," etc., we find "on paddy one cent and a half per pound." Now if a good-sized Irishman pays $2.25, why shouldn't a "Celestial" pay as much in proportion to the weight of his corpus?

Contradictory

It appears that, by a joint resolution of Congress, the use of "that first-class humbug and fraud, the whiskey meter," has been abolished. Now there are dozens of members of Congress who are not only "first-class humbugs and frauds," but whiskey meters, to whom whiskey is both meat and drink, and yet who ever heard of their proposing to abolish themselves?

STAY-AT-HOME PEOPLE

FOLKS MAY NOT BE ABLE TO GO TO NEWPORT OR LONG BRANCH, BUT THEY CAN ALWAYS CREATE A LOCAL SENSATION BY TAKING A FOOT-BATH IN THE BACK-YARD.

MURPHY THE CONQUEROR

BY CORPORAL QUINN.

Come tip us your fist, then, yer sowl you;
Since iver I come from the wars
The like wasn't heerd. Fill the bowl you
Bowld sons of MILESIUS and MARS;
And dhrink to ould Ireland the turfy
That's shmilin' out there in the say,
Wid three cheers for the conqueror MURPHY.
Whoo! America's ours from to-day.

Och! SAYZAR he walloped the Briton,
The Tarthars leap't China's big wall,
ALEXANDTHUR did half the wurld sit on,
But niver touched Ireland at all.
At Clontarf ould BOBU in the surf he
Sint tumblin' the murdtherin' Danes—
But, yer sowl, the brave conqueror MURPHY
Takes the shine out of all of their panes.

ULYSSES has made him Collecthor,
(Sich choppin' o' heads ne'er was seen;)
Sure the hayro will make me Inspecthor
Whin there's so many "wigs on the green."
And we'll be night-watchmen uproarious,
Wid big badges on our coats,
And we'll fight for TOM MURPHY the glorious,
Wid our fists, our guns, and our votes.

At the Custom House, Dutchman and Yankee
Are thryin' to talk wid a brogue,
They're all Irish, now—fat, lean, or lanky,
And green are the neckties in vogue.
They're thracin' themselves to some DURPHY,
O'NEILL, or McCANN, or O'TAAFFE,
I'll go bail the bowld conqueror MURPHY
'S too owld to be caught wid sich chaff.

Now Dutchmin may go to the divil,
And Yankees to Plymouth's ould rock,
We'll blast it, if they are not civil;
While boys of the raal ould stock
Will hurroo for ould Ireland the turfy.
Whoo! Jibralthar is taken to-day,
Our commandther's the conqueror MURPHY—
Now a tiger and nine times hoorray!

COMIC ZOOLOGY.

Genus Culex.—The American Mosquito

Few American birds are better known than the mosquito. In common with the woodcock, snipe, and other winged succubi, it breeds in wet places, yet is always dry. Like them it can sustain life on mud juleps, but prefers "cluret." It is a familiar creature, seems to regard the human family as its Blood relations, and is always ready to sucker them.

Being a bird of Nocturnal Habits, it is particularly attracted to human beings in their Night-shirts. The swallow preys upon it, but it generally eludes the Bat. Although it cannot be called Noctilucous, like the lightning bug, it has no objection to alight in the darkness, and you often knock till you cuss in your vain attempts to prevent its taking a Shine to you.

The mosquito differs in most respects from all the larger varieties of the winged tribes, and upon the whole takes after man more than any other living thing. Nevertheless, it certainly bears a noticeable resemblance to some of the feathered race. Like the Nightingale, it "sings darkling," and like the woodpecker, is much addicted to tapping the bark of Limbs and Trunks for the purpose of obtaining grub. It may be mentioned as an amiable idiosyncracy of the mosquito, that it is fond of babies. If there is a child in the house, it is sure to spot the playful innocent; and by means of an ingenious contrivance combining the principles of the gimlet and the air-pump, it soon relieves the little human bud of its superfluous juices. It is, in fact, a born surgeon, a Sangrado of the Air, and rivals that celebrated Spanish Leech in its fondness for phlebotomy. Some infidels, who do not subscribe to the doctrine that nothing was made in vain, consider it an unmitigated nuisance, but the devout and thoughtful Christian recognizes it as Nature's preventive of plethora, and as it alternately breathes a Vein and a song, it may be said (though we never heard the remark,) to combine the utile with the dulce.

All the members of the genus are slender and graceful in their shape and Gnatty in their general appearance. The common mosquito is remarkable for its strong attachments. It follows man with more than canine fidelity, and in some cases, the dog-like pertinacity of its affection can only be restrained by Muslin. It is of a roving disposition, seldom remaining settled long in one locality; and is Epicurean in its tastes—always living, if possible, on the fat of the land. As the mosquito produces no honey, mankind in general are not as sweet upon it as they are upon that bigger hum-bug, the buzzy bee; yet it is so far akin to the bee, that, wherever it forages, it produces something closely resembling Hives.

Few varieties of game are hunted more industriously than this, yet such is the fecundity of the species, that the Sportsman's Club has not as yet thought it necessary to petition the legislature for its protection.

The New Jersey Mosquito is the largest known specimen of the genus, except the Southern Gallinipper, which is only a few sizes smaller than the Virginia Nightingale, and raises large speckles similar to those of the Thrush. Ornithologists who wish to study the habits of the mosquito in its undomesticated or nomad state, may find it in angry clouds on the surface of the New Jersey salt marshes at this season, in company with its teetering long-billed Congener, the Sandsnipe.

During the last month of summer it reigns supreme in the swamps west of Hoboken, the August Emperor of all the Rushes, and persons of an apoplectic turn, who wish to have their surplus blood determined to the surface instead of to the head, will do well to seek the hygienic insect there.

An Apt Quotation.

The name "Louvre" has now been adopted by several places of entertainment in New York and its suburbs. A Boston gentleman, who visited seven of them a night or two since, under the escort of a policeman, declares that, by a slight alteration of a line of MOORE's, New York may be well described as—

"A place for Louvres, and for Louvres only."

THE WATERING PLACES.

Punchinello's Vacations.

Mr. PUNCHINELLO puts up at the Atlantic Hotel when he goes to Cape May; and if you were to ask him why, he would tell you that it was on account of the admirable water-punches which JOHN McMAKIN serves up. To be sure these mixtures do not agree with Mr. P., but he likes to see people enjoying themselves, even if he can't do it himself. It is this unselfish disposition, this love of his fellow-men, that enables him to maintain that constant good humor so requisite to his calling. In fact, though Mr. P. often says sharp things, he never gets angry. When, on Thursday of last week, he was walking down the south side of Jackson street, and a man asked him did he want to buy a bag, Mr. P. was not enraged. He knew the man took him for a greenhorn, but then the man himself was a Jerseyman. It is no shame to be a greenhorn to a Jerseyman. Quite the reverse. Mr. P. would blush if he thought there lived a "sand-Spaniard" who could not take advantage of him. So Mr. P. bought the bag, and because it was made of very durable canvas, and would last a great while, he paid a dollar for it.

He did not ask what it was for. He knew. It was to put Cape May Diamonds in! He put the bag in his pocket and walked along the beach for three miles. You can't walk more than three miles here, and if you hire a carriage you will find that you can't ride less than that distance. Which makes it bad, sometimes. However, when Mr. P. had finished his three miles, he didn't want to go any further. He stopped, and gazing carelessly around to see that no one noticed him, pulled out his canvas bag and did shuffle a little in the sand with his feet. He might find some diamonds, you know, just as likely as any of the hundreds of other people, who, in other sequestered parts of the beach, were pulling out other canvas bags, and shuffling in the sand with other feet. At length Mr. P. shuffled himself into a very sequestered nook indeed, and there he saw a man smoking. His melancholy little boy was sitting by his side. Perceiving that it was only General GRANT, Mr. P. advanced with his usual grace and suavity of manner.

"Why, Mr. President!" said he, "I thought you would be found at Long Branch this season."

"Long—thunder!" ejaculated the General, his face as black as the ace of spades, (which, by the way, is blue.) "I might go to Nova Zembla for a quiet smoke, and some sneaking politician would crawl out from the ice with a petition. I went fishing in Pennsylvania, and I found twenty of those fellows to every trout. However, I don't mind you. Take a seat and have a cigar."

Mr. P. took the seat, (which was nothing to brag of,) and a cigar, (which would have been a great deal to brag of, if he had succeeded in smoking it,) and, after a whiff or two, asked his companion how it was that he came to send such a message to Congress about Cuba.

"What message?" said GRANT, absently.

Mr. P. explained.

"Oh," said GRANT, "that one! Didn't you like it? CALEB CUSHING wrote it and brought it to me, and I signed it. If you had written one and brought it to me, I would have signed that. 'Tisn't my fault if the thing's wrong. What would you expect of a man?"

Mr. P. concluded that in this case it was ridiculous to expect anything else, and so he changed the subject.

That afternoon Mr. P. bathed.

He went to SLOAN'S and fitted himself out in a bathing suit, and very lovely he looked in it, when he emerged from the bathing house at high tide. With a red tunic; green pants; and a very yellow hat, he resembled a frog-legged Garibaldian, ready for the harvest.

When he hurried to the water's edge, he hesitated for a moment. The roaring surf was so full of heads, legs, arms, back-hair, hats and feet, that he feared there was no room for him. However, he espied a vacancy, and plunged into the briny deep.

How delicious! How cool! How fresh! How salt! How splendid!

He struck out with his legs; he struck out with his arms; he dived with his whole body. He skimmed beneath the green waters; he floated on the rolling wave-tips; he trod water; he turned heels over head in the emerald depths; and thus, gamboling like an Infant Triton, he passed out beyond the breakers. It was very pleasant there. Being a little tired, he found the change from the surging waves to the gentle chuck and flop of the deep water, most delightful. Languidly, to rest himself, he threw his arm over a rock just peeping above the water. But the rock gave a start and a yawn.

It was a sleeping shark!

The startled fish opened his eyes to their roundest, and backed water.

So did Mr. P.

For an instant they gazed at each other in utter surprise. Then the shark began slowly to sink. Mr. P. knew what that meant. The monster was striving to get beneath him for the fatal snap!

Mr. P. sank with him!

With admirable presence of mind he kept exactly even with the fish.

At last they reached the bottom.

Mr. P. was nearly suffocated, but he determined that he would strangle rather than rise first. The shark endeavored to crawl under him, but Mr. P. clung to the bottom.

The fish then made a feint of rising, but, in an instant, Mr. P. had him around the waist!

The affrighted shark darted to the surface, and Mr. P. inhaled at least a gallon of fresh air. Never before had oxygen tasted so good!

On the surface the struggle was renewed, but Mr. P. always kept undermost.

At last they rested from the contest, and lay panting on the surface of the water, glaring at each other.

The shark, who was a master of finesse, swam out a little way, to where the water was deeper, and then slowly sank, intending, if Mr. P. followed him again to the bottom, to stay there long enough to drown the unfortunate man. But Mr. P. knew a trick worth two of that.

He didn't follow him at all! He swam towards shore as fast as he could, and when the shark looked around, to see if he was coming, he was safe within the line of surf.

Need it be said that when he reached dry laud, Mr. P. became a hero with the crowds who had witnessed this heroic struggle?

That evening, as Mr. P. sat upon the portico of his hotel, there came unto him, in the moonlight, a maiden of the latest fashion.

"Sir," she softly murmured "are you the noble hero who overcame the shark?"

Mr. P. looked up at her.

Her soft eyes were dimmed with irresponsible emotion.

"I am," said he.

The maiden stood motionless. Her whole frame was agitated by a secret struggle.

At length she spoke.

"Is there a Mrs. P.?" she softly said.

Mr. P. arose. He grasped the back of his chair with trembling hand. His manly form quivered with a secret struggle.

He looked upon her!

He gazed for a moment, with glowing, passionate eyes, upon that matchless form—upon that angelic face, and then—he clasped his brows in hopeless agony. Stepping back, he gave the maiden one glance of wildest love, followed by another of bitterest despair; and sank helpless into his chair.

The maiden leaned, pale and trembling, against a pillar; but hearing the approach of intruders, she recovered herself with an effort.

"Farewell," she whispered. "I know! I know! There is a Mrs. P.!"—and she was gone.

Mr. P. arose and slipped out into the night, shaken by a secret struggle. He laid upon the sand and kicked up his heels.

There isn't any Mrs. P.!

Mr. P. does not wish to sweep his hand rudely o'er the tender chords of any heart, but he wants it known that he is neither to be snapped up by sharks in the sea, or by young women at watering places.

A DOG'S TALE.

Dogmatic.

I am only a dog, I admit; but do you suppose dogs have no feeling? I guess if you were kicked out of every door-way you ran into, and driven away from every meat stand or grocery you happened to smell around, you would think you had feelings.

When I see some dogs riding in carriages, looking so grandly out of the windows, or others walking along proudly by the side of their owners, I have a feeling of dislike for the very thought of liberty!

I sometimes go with the crowd to a lecture-room, and listen to the speeches about freedom and liberty, the hatred of bondage, and all that sort of thing. I get my tail up, and wish I could tell them what liberty really is. There is nothing worse in the world than this running around loose, with no one to look after you, and no one for you to look after; no one to notice you when you wag your tail, and to have no occasion for so doing. You go out and you come in, and nobody cares. If you never come back, no one troubles himself about you.

Every day I hear men reading in the papers about some lucky dogs having strayed, or having been stolen, a large reward being offered for their recovery: and I envy each lost dog! I wonder who would advertise for me if I got lost! Alas! no one. They would not give me a bone to bring me back, or to keep me from drowning myself. But every boy in the street thinks he has a right to throw stones at me; and tie tin-kettles to my tail; and chase me when I have had the good luck to find a bone; and to set big dogs upon me to worry me when I am faint from hunger and haven't much pluck; and worse than all, chase me and cry "Ki-yi," when I am almost dying of thirst!

If you only knew how hard it is for a poor dog to make his way in the world, with no one to help him to a mouthful of food, you would feel sorry for us.

But I think we might get along better if it wasn't for the scarcity of water. I hardly know a spot in the city where I can get a drink; and many a time I have gone all day without a drop.

If I happen to hang out my tongue and droop my tail, my ears are saluted with "Mad dog! Let's kill him!" You need not wonder I sometimes turn round, and snap at my pursuers. I think you would snap, too, if you were chased through street and lane and alley, till your blood was in a perfect fever, and you hardly knew which way you were running! I have, on many such occasions, actually run past a beautiful bone that lay handy on the side-walk, and never stopped to smell it.

Oh! I wish some one would take me prisoner, and continue to own me, and keep me in bondage as long as I lived! I should only be too happy to give up my liberty, and settle down and be a respectable dog!

A Bute-Iful Idea.

The Marquis of Bute denies that he is going to return to the Protestant fold. With reference to the rumor, the Pope stated in the Ecumenical Council that "the Bute was on the right leg at last, and that he would launch his thunder against him who should dare that Bute displace."

WHAT IS IT?

As the shades of night descend (in the neighborhood of Mecklenburg, N.C.,) and harmless domestic animals begin to compose themselves to sleep, suddenly the drowsy world is awakened by a roaring like that of a lion! It proceeds from the forest, in whose bosky recesses (as the Mecklenburgers suppose) some terrible creature proclaims his hunger and his inclination to appease it with human flesh! All night long the quaking denizens of that hamlet lie and listen to the roaring, which is an effectual preventive of drowsiness, as the moment any one begins to be seized with it he also begins to fancy he is about to be seized and deglutinated by the horrid monster! Naturalists are positive it is not the Gyascutis, but admit that a Megatherium may have lately awakened from the magnetic sleep of ages, with the pangs of a mighty hunger tearing his wasted viscera.

If our theory is correct, the good people of Mecklenburg (was it not in Mecklenburg that the agitation for Independence began?) may be assured that deliverance from this unreasonable Dragon is possible. We think it more than likely that it is simply GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN practicing for the next invasion of Great Britain. Nothing could be more harmless. One Ku-Kluxian youth, armed with a double-barrelled shot-gun, four bowie-knives, and a number of revolvers, could rout him instantly, and even check the flow of his vociferous eloquence so suddenly as to put him in imminent danger of asphyxia.

RETRIBUTION.

THE BOYS OF SAN FRANCISCO, EXASPERATED AT THE CONVERSION OF THEIR DOGS INTO PIE, TIE KETTLES TO THE TAILS OF THE CHINAMEN.

Giving the Cue.

"Is that one of your Chinese belles? asked Mr. PUNCHINELLO of Mr. KOOPMAN-SCHOOP, as one of the newly-imported yallagals passed.

"Yes," replied Mr. K. "You can always tell a Chinese bell from a Chinese gong by the bell-pull attached to it."

Mr. P. immediately presented his chapeau to Mr. K.

HINTS FOR—THOSE WHO WILL TAKE THEM.

Mr. PUNCHINELLO: Your invaluable "Hints for the Family," published some time since, seem destined to work a revolution in our domestic economy; as the plans you propose must win the admiration of housekeepers by their extreme simplicity, aside from any other motives to their adoption. I have myself tested several of your methods, and find that you speak from thorough and circumstantial knowledge of your subject In bread-making, for instance, we find that when the cat reposes in the dough, it (the dough) will not rise, though the cat does. But in the clock manufacture, we fear you have divulged one of the secrets of the trade.

Your little invention for carrying a thread should be recommended to students and other isolated beings, notwithstanding their unaccountable propensity to pierce other substances than the cloth. They would find driving the needle through much facilitated by a skilful use of the table formerly described.

Permit me to make a few additional suggestions.

Get some worsted and a pair of needles; set up from twenty to forty stitches, more or less, and knit till you are tired. When finished—(the knitting)—draw out the needles and bite off the thread. You will thus have made an elegant lamp-mat, of the same color as the worsted, and the very thing for a Christmas present to your grandmother.

This is a very graceful employment, and a great favorite with ladies; in fact, some ladies seem so infatuated with work of that kind, that, according to the new theory of the Future, a fruition of fancy-work will be amongst their other blissful realizations. And so, after surveying Deacon QUIRK'S spiritual potato fields, or perhaps some fresh (spiritual) manifestation of Miss PHELPS'S piety and intelligence, we may have the pleasure of seeing the sun and moon hung with tidies, and a lamp-mat under each star.

Take your rejected sketches and compositions, cut them in strips two or three inches wide, and as long as the paper will permit. Fold these strips lengthwise as narrow as possible, and smooth the edges down flat with your finger. When finished, or perhaps before, you will find you have made a bunch of excellent lamp-lighters.

Get a suit of clothes—broadcloth is the best—and a pair of boots to stand them in. Button the coat, and insert in the neck any vegetable you choose, so that it be large enough, (one of the drum-head species is the best,) and finish with a hat You will then find, doubtless to your surprise and delight, that you have a man, or an excellent substitute for one, equal, if not superior to the genuine article, warranted to be always pleased with his dinner, and never, necessarily, in the way. Some people may object to its lack of intelligence, as compared with the original, but careful investigation has shown that the difference is very slight; yet, admitting even this to be a positive fault, it is amply counterbalanced by negative merits. Your correspondent who writes about "The Real Estate of Woman," will be relieved to find that the threatened dearth in husbands can be so readily obviated.

Very truly,

ANN O. BLUE.

For Singers, Only.

What is the best wine for the voice?

Canary.

A Chop-House Aphorism.

Customers who fee waiters may always be sure of their Feed.

Washy.

The daily papers tell us that "Sixty-Eight Thousand persons visited the public baths during last week."

They went in—a week lot—and came out sixty-eight thousand strong.

Constructive Genius.

"A poor woman in Utica, who owns three houses and is building another, sends her children into the streets daily to beg."

Quite right. While the youngsters beg in the streets, let the enterprising old lady go on and begin another house.

A Result of the Mongol.

Owing to the influx of Chinamen into this country, the edict against allowing dogs to run at large during the Summer has been relaxed.

BOMBASTES BONAPARTE:

NOW PERFORMING AT THE THEATRE FRANCAIS.

"He who would these Boots displace
Must meet BOMBASTES face to face."

THE NEW PANDORA'S BOX.

REPRESENTATIVE MANUFACTURER, (springing open Chinese surprise box.)—"THERE!—WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT LITTLE JOKER?"

KNIGHT OF ST. CRISPIN.—"PSHAW! THAT'S A MEAN TRICK: WAIT TILL I OPEN MY BOX!"

HIRAM GREEN ON THE CHINESE.

He write a letter to the North Adams Shoe Manufacturer.—New Occupation for the "Coming Man."

NSBORO, NYE ONTO VARMONT, July the 11th, 18-Seventy.

MISTER SAMPSON:

Selestial sir:—I take my goose quil in hand to rite you a letter. I like your stile—you soot me. I myself have been an old Statesman, having served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, raisin' sed offis to a higher standard than usual, as well as raisin' an interestin' family of eleven healthy children. Upon the linements of their countenance the features and stamp of GREEN stands out in bold relief. They are all genuine Green-bax.

A little cloud no bigger than a man's hand made its appearance over the golden streets of San Francisco.

It is growin' bigger, and afore we know it, will be bigger than a white elefant.

You have ceased the dilemer by the horn which hangs suspended from the dilemer's head, like the tail of a kite.

While you have set the Chinees peggin' away puttin' bottoms on shoes, a great many are peggin' away "putin' a head onto you."

In the present statis of things you want to blow up your nerve, and stand as firm as the rox of Jiberalter, and like BYRON exclaim:

"To be or not to be, there's the question;—
Whether a man feels better to pay big wages for shoemakers,
Or to suffer the slings and arrows of everybody,
By hirin' Pig-tails for 1/2 price?"

Poleticians of the different churches don't endorse our Selestial brother. But, sir, I'll venter a few dollars, that if the children of the son—and dorter—leaned towards either party, he would be gobled up quicker'n scat, even if he come red hot from old LUCIFER, with a pocket full of free passes, for the whole nashun, to the Infernal regions.

That's so. A vote's a vote, if it comes from Greenland's coral strand or Afric's icy mountains. I feel a good deal towards you as a nabor of mine, named JOE BELCHER, once did.

JOE likes his tod, and can punish as much gin and tansy as a New York alderman can, when drinkin' at the sity's expense.

JOE went to camp meetin' last week, and, I am pained to say it, JOSEF got drunker than a biled owl.

While one of the brethern was preachin', JOE sot on a pine log tryin' to make out wether the preacher was a double-headed man, or whether 2 men were holdin' forth.

"Who'll stand up for the carpenter's Son?" sed the preacher.

This made JOE look around.

The question was again repeated.

Again JOE looked around for an answer.

Again the preacher said: "Who'll stand up for Him?"

JOE by this time had got onto his feet, and was steadyin' himself by holdin' onto a tree, while he sung out:

"I say (hic!) ole feller, Ile stand up (hic!) for him, or any 'orrer man who hain't got any (hic!) more fren's than he has (hic!) in this 'ere crowd."

I feel a good deal as JOE did. Anybody who hain't got any more frends than you have, Mr. SAMPSON, has my sympathy.

For bringin' these hily morril and refined Monongohelians to Massachusetts is a big feather in your cap, and you will receive your reward bime-bye.

"The wages of sin is death."

But the wages of a Chinyman is money in a man's pocket. They work cheap.

I am trying to get the Chinese substituted for canal hosses.

A man here by the name of SNYDER, who runs a canal Hoss to our Co., talks of sendin' for a lot.

Won't they be bang up with their cues hitcht to a canal bote snakin' it along at the rate of a mile inside of 2 hours. "G'lang! Tea leaf."

Then when they was restin' from their labors, by tyin' 2 of 'em together by their cues, stand one opposite the other and hang close between 'em to dry, on washin' day.

What an aristocratic thing Chiny close-line posts would be. The only drawback that I know of is, that the confounded posts mite some day walk off with all the close.

But, sir, if they served me in that manner, I would cover the ground with broken crockery by smashin' their old Chiny mugs for 'em.

Since you've awoken to notorosity, I have been studdyin' out your family pedigree.

I find your Antsisters are connected with long hair more or less, same as you be with Chiny pig-tails.

Old SAMPSON the first's strength, like your'n of to-day, lade in his long hair.

He could cut off more heads, and slay more Fillistians with the jaw bone of a member of Congress than the President of these U.S. can by makin' a new deal in the Custom house department.

And, sir, I reckon about these days, we are getting rather more of that same kind of jaw bone than is healthy.

I am afrade not.

Mrs. SAMPSON worked like a kag of apple sass in hot weather, to find out where her old man's strength was. When she found out, what did she do? Why, she got a pair of sheep shears and cropped him closer'n a state prison bird, and tryin' to lift a house full of fokes, it fell onto him and smashed him.

Like LOT'S wife, she'd orter been turned into a pillow of salt, and then the pillow had orter been sewed up and cast into the sea.

Another of the SAMPSONS wouldn't even chop off MARIAR ANTERNETTE'S head until her hair had been cut off, so he could peel her top-knot off slick and cleen.

Lookin' back at these cheerful antsisters of your'n, it's no wonder you go in for long haired labor. It runs in the SAMPSON blood.

The public is cussin' you from DANIEL to BEEBSHEBER, because you've brought a lot of modern Philistines to Massachusetts.

Let 'em cus.

That's their lay.

Your'n is, to bild up a fortin, if Poor-houses for white laborers to live in is thicker in North Adams than goose pimples on a fever and ager sufferer's form.

As old Grandma SAMPSON cut off her old man's long hair, so she could handle him in one of them little fireside scrimmages which we married fokes enjoy, so fokes would crop you, my hi toned old Joss stick.

But I've writ more'n I intended to. I would like to have you come and make us a visit.

Bring along your wife, DELIAL. Tell her to bring her croshay work.

Mrs. GREEN is interestin' company among wimmen.

What MARIAR don't know about her nabors, don't happen.

Then her veel pot-pies and ingin puddins are just rats.

She can nock the spots off from any woman who wears a waterfall, gettin' up a good square meal.

Anser soon, and don't forget to pay your own postige.

Hopin' you are sound on the goose and able to enjoy your Swi lager und Sweitzer,

I am thine, old hoss,

HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,

Lait Gustise of the Peece.

TREATMENT FOR POTATO BUGS.

Mr. CLARK JOHNSON, of Pendleton, Indiana, not at all discouraged by the signal failures of many previous campaigns against the Bug, has entered the (potato) field with a new weapon, viz.: a mixture of Paris Green and Ashes. Applied frequently, as a Top Dressing, this gentle stimulant imparts a new energy to the vine, and also to the Bug, who thus becomes so vigorous, and at the same time restless, that an uncontrollable impulse seizes him to visit the home of his ancestors, (Colorado.) Here, as is supposed by Mr. JOHNSON, the fictitious energy that had been supplied by the Mixture deserts the immigrant, who now settles down contentedly, nor ever roams again.

As (owing to the present facilities of freighting, etc.,) the Potatoes of Pendleton may eventually find the New York market, which always invites the superior esculent, we would like to suggest to Mr. JOHNSON that this Mixture be administered to the Bug with a spoon, and not sprinkled promiscuously on the ground. We have drank Tea with a "green flavor," and found it comparatively innocuous; but Potatoes with a green flavor, (especially if flavored by the JOHNSONIAN method,) we should consider as doubtful, to say the least. It is the general impression that there is nothing Green in Paris; but your house painter knows there is such a thing as Paris Green, and that it is the oxyde of copper. Therefore, should one eat many of the potatoes nourished as above, we should expect to see him gradually turning into a Bronze Statue—a fate which, unless he were particularly Greeky and nice-looking, we should wish to anticipate, if possible, in the interests of art.

MR. SWACHENBACKER, OF THE AIRY 'UN SOCIETY, CREATES A SENSATION AMONG THE LADY BATHERS AT "THE BRANCH," BY APPEARING AMONG THEM AS A MERMAN, WITH A REAL LOOKING-GLASS AND A FALSE TAIL.

Fashionable Intelligence.

Two colors that once were fashionable in the Parisian toilette, viz.: BISMARCK brown and Prussian blue, are now excluded from court circles, by command of the Empress.

Weather or No.

Most remarkable in the history of mathematics are the calculations published by the weather-prophet of the Express. Arithmetic turns pale when she glances at them, and, striking her multiplication table with her algebraic knuckles, demands to know why the Express does not add a Cube-it to its THATCHER.

Comparative Industry.

It is reported that "the journeymen lathers demand four dollars per day." As a question of comparative soap, the latherers will in due time strike too. The ultimatum will be-"Raise our pay or we drop the Razor."

"Omnibus Hoc," etc.

What is the difference between theft in an omnibus and the second deal at cards?

One is a Game of the Stage, and the other is a Stage of the Game.

OUR AGRICULTURAL COLUMN.

Memorabilia of "What I Know About Farming."

Profound subjects should be well meditated upon. A man may write about "New America," or "Spiritual Wives," or any such light and airy subject, without possessing much knowledge, or indulging in much thought, but he can't play such tricks upon Agriculture. She is very much like a donkey: unless you are thoroughly acquainted with her playful ways, she will upset you in a quagmire. Perhaps it is due to my readers that I should say here that I have read a great many valuable treatises upon this subject, among which may be named, "Cometh up as a Flour," "Anatomy of Melon-cholly," "Sowing and Reaping," one thousand or two volumes of Patent Office Reports, and three or four bushels of "Proverbial Philosophy." I would also add, that I invariably remain awake on clear nights, and think out the ideas set down in this column. Probably you may not be able to find traces of all that labor here, but I assure you that those books are more familiar to me than is my catechism. However, anybody who thinks he knows more about vegetables than I do, can send me a letter containing his information, and, if I don't cabbage it, I will plant it carefully in the bottom of the waste paper basket. We now proceed to consider.

PAR'S NIPS.

This vegetable always flourishes in a moist soil, though it generally has a holy horror of aqua pura. Some of them are of an immense size; I have seen them fill a tumbler. Producers, however, generally charge more for the large ones than for the small. The size of the nip usually depends upon the par. It may be that your par's nip is extremely small, while JOHN SMITH'S par's nip is very large. Four fingers is, I believe, considered to be the regulation size.

This vegetable is served up in a variety of forms. Some pars like it with milk; in that case it is generally "hung up." In the winter it is often called a sling or a punch; in the summer it is denominated a cobbler or a jew-lip. Perhaps it would be well for those who love it, to indulge in par's nip now, for some people say, that in the days of the "coming man" there will be no par's nips. It must be admitted that the father of a family, who indulges too freely in par's nip, is very likely to run to seed, and to plant himself in such unfruitful places as the gutter. If he be a young par, he may become a rake, and fork over his money, and then ho! for the alms-house.

Numerous efforts have been made to suppress this vegetable, among which may be reckoned, "Father, dear Father, come home with me now," Brother GOUGH'S circus, and the parades of the F.M.T.A.B. Societies. Maine and Vermont Neal together in the front rank of its opponents. In Boston they tried to suppress this vegetable, but, if you followed your par to a store and heard him order a cracker, you could smell par's nip.

Among the mild varieties of this article may be mentioned benzine, camphene and kerosene; the next strongest kind is called Jersey lightning; but, if you desire par's nips in their most luxuriant form, go to Water street and try the species known as "rot-gut."

OUR PORTFOLIO.

Poetry is the exclusive birthright of no age of people. The dirtiest Hindoo sings to his fetish the songs of the Brahmin muse, with as keen a relish as the most devout Christian does the hymns of Dr. WATTS. Melody comes of Heaven, and is a gift vouchsafed to all generations, and all kinds of men. In proof of this, let us adduce a single extract from the great epic of the Hawaiian poet, POPPOOFI, entitled "Ka Nani E!"

Ka nani e! ka nani e!
Alohi puni no
Mai luna, a mai lalo nei,
A ma na mea a pau.

We would call the attention of our readers particularly to the sublime sentiment of the second line. "Alohi puni no," sings the peerless POPPOOFI, and where, in the pages of that other Oriental HOMER, the Persian HAFI, can be found anything half so magnificent? There may be critics bigoted enough to think that the last line destroys the effect of the other three; but we don't. PUNCHINELLO would much rather discover the good in a thing at any time, than go a-fishing on Sundays.

It is not in the nature of a properly constituted human being to lay his hand upon his heart and chant:

"Ka nani e! Ka nani e!"

in the presence of his mother-in-law, without feeling that life is not so miserable as some people would make it out. In the words of ALEXANDER SELKIRK'S man FRIDAY: "Palmam qui meruit ferat."

THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.

Emmet is a name which has heretofore been associated in the public mind with the Negro Minstrel business. Certain weird barbaric melodies, which defy all laws of musical composition, but which haunt one like a dream of a lonely night on some wild African river, are said to have been written by "OLD EMMET." Is there any such person? Has any one actually seen "OLD EMMET" in the flesh, and with—say a high hat and a cotton umbrella? For my part I disbelieve in the popular theory of the origin of these EMMETIC melodies which stir one so strangely. They are not the work of any earthly song writer, but are born of some untuned Eolian harp played upon by uncertain breezes, that murmur the memory of tropical groves and sigh with the sadness of exile. There is no "OLD EMMET." If there is, let him be brought forward—not to be chucked out of the window, as Mrs. F.'s AUNT might suggest,—but to be thanked and wondered at as an inchoate OFFENBACH, who might, under other circumstances, have written an American opera-bouffe, or, better still, as a possible CHOPIN, who might have written a second "March Funébre" as hopeless and desolate and fascinating as that of the despairing and poetic Pole. (I am coming to "FRITZ" in a moment, but I won't be hurried by any one.)

As for JOSEPH K. EMMET, he is an undoubted reality. If you don't believe it, go to WALLACK'S and see him. Somebody discovered this EMMET in the Pastoral privacy of the Bowery. Mr. GAYLER was made to write a play for him, and EMMET, the Bowery Minstrel, straightway became Mr. JOSEPH K. EMMET, the renowned impersonator of "FRITZ." He plays "FRITZ" at WALLACK'S every evening, and the entertainment is something of this nature.

ACT I.—Scene, the outside of Castle Garden. Enter baggage-smashers, emigrant-runners, aldermen, and other criminals.

RUNNER. "There's a ship a' comin' up. I'll lay for the Dutchmen."

BOBBIT. (A concert-saloon manager.) "There's a ship coming up. I'll lay for the Dutch girls."

DISSOLUTE COLONEL. "There's a ship coming up. I want you two fellows to look out for a Dutchman named "FRITZ," who is onboard. He takes care of a girl, KATRINA, whom I adore. Carry off FRITZ and I'll carry off the girl."

(Various emigrants enter and are hustled off by the runners. FRITZ and KATRINA finally appear.)

FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist gut. Ach himmel; zwei bier und Limburger."

(The runners seize his trunk and carry it off. The DISSOLUTE COLONEL hurries KATRINA into a coach and carries her off. FRITZ is carried away by his emotions. Curtain.)

ACT II.—Scene, a boarding-house parlor. Enter DISSOLUTE COLONEL and KATRINA.

DISSOLUTE COLONEL. "You are in my power. Be mine, and you shall have as many bonnets and things as you can wish. Refuse, and I'll send every reporter in the city to interview you."

KATRINA. "Base villain! I despise you. Let the torturers do their worst."

(Enter FRITZ, disguised as a member of the Sorosis.)

KATRINA. "You here! Be cautious. The hash is drugged. Save me, my beloved."

FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist nicht gut. Herr Colonel, Ich bin KATRINA'S aunt. Ich habe gekommen to take her away wid me, ye owdacious spalpeen."

DISSOLUTE COLONEL. "Glad to see you. Take some hash, madam?"

FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist gut. Take some yourself, you murtherin' thafe of the worruld."

(The DISSOLUTE COLONEL forgets that the hash is drugged. He takes it and falls insensible. FRITZ and KATRINA escape. Scene changes to Judge DOWLING'S court-room.)

FRITZ. (Having left off his Sorosis disguise.) "Ja. Das is nicht gut. Behold, O wise young judge, the misguided person who put my trunk in his pocket and ran away with it."

JUDGE. "Prove your case."

FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist gut. Begar! I proves him toute de suite—what you call to wunst. You see those Limburger cheese in the villain's mouth. He got them out of my trunk. So you see I have him ein thief geproven."

JUDGE. "Your case is proved. Let the prisoner be removed."

FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist sehr gut. Now I'm a gwine to de saloon, where dis niggah has a ningagement for to sing."

(Scene changes to a concert saloon. FRITZ enters and goes through an entire programme of negro minstrelsy, to the wild delight of the gallery. At last the lazy curtain slowly consents to fall.)

ACT III.—The DISSOLUTE COLONEL come to grief, and FRITZ marries KATRINA. If you want to know all about it, go to the theatre. I don't intend to ruin the establishment by giving the public the whole play for the ridiculous sum which is charged for this copy of PUNCHINELLO. The third act is the last of the play, and when the curtain fells, the audience immediately proceeds to pick EMMET to pieces.

BOY IN THE GALLERY. "Ain't he just tip, though? I've seen him lots o' times at TONY PASTOR'S, and I allers knowed he'd be a big thing if the Bowery or thishyer theatre got a hold on him."

YOUNG LADY. "Isn't it frightfully low? The idea of Mr. WALLACK permitting this negro minstrelsy in his theatre. To be sure Mr. EMMET is funny; but I hate to see people funny in this place."

OLD GENTLEMAN. "My dear! don't be absurd. Suppose Mr. EMMET has been a minstrel, is that any proof that he can't be an actor? The young fellow has his faults, but they will wear off in time, and he is brimful of real talent. The play isn't a model of excellence, but it was made to show EMMET'S strong points, and it answers its purpose. Shall we cry down a talented and promising young actor simply because he has been a minstrel, and now has the audacity to play at WALLACK'S? And besides, haven't we seen pantomime, and legs, and LOTTA, and DAN BRYANT at WALLACK'S? You never objected to any of the illegitimacies that have preceded FRITZ;—why then should you begin now? Give EMMET and GAYLER a chance. At any rate they can make you laugh, which is something that BOUCICAULT with his 'Lost at Sea' did not do."

MATADOR.

A PARABLE ABOUT THE TWELFTH OF JULY.

In a far distant land, beyond the sea, there dwelt an Orange Lily. Separated from it by a very absurd and useless ditch, a Green Shamrock spread its trefoil leafage to the sun, and grew greener every day. Now, in course of time, a very ill feeling sprang up between the Lily and the Shamrock, on account of color, the former despising the latter because it was green, and the latter hating the former because it was orange—as if both colors hadn't lived together in the rainbow ever since the aquatic excursion of old Mr. NOAH, without ever falling out of it or with each other. In time they both crossed the sea, and took root in a far-away land, where they became acquainted with a very remarkable animal called the American Beaver.

The industry of this creature urged the Lily to toil and spin, contrary to its usual habits, while the Shamrock converted its trifoliated leaves into shovels, and took a contract for excavating the hemisphere. And so they might have jogged on very well together, but for their stupid way of showing their colors when there was no occasion for it. This greatly disgusted their friend, the American Beaver, who didn't care a pinch of snuff about color, (black is not a color, you know,) but who went in for faithful and persistent work. One beautiful Twelfth of July, the Lily arose very early in the morning, and, shaking out her orange leaves, defied the Shamrock to "come on." The Shamrock came on. There was a vegetable howl, and clash, and clangor in the air, and the Lily, having knocked off several of the Shamrocks' greenest leaves, went to its friend, the American Beaver, for comfort and support. But the American Beaver, instead of countenancing the Lily, said: "Look here, Lily, I guess you are about the greatest fool I ever did see, except, perhaps, the Shamrock. As long as you two stick to your work, instead of sticking out your colors and sticking your knives into each other, I am very glad to have you for neighbors, but now that you have shown yourselves to be jack-asses instead of vegetables, I would not give an American Beaver dam for the two of you."

CONDENSED CONGRESS.

SENATE.

A pleasant philosopher tells us that blessings brighten as they take their flight. The flight of Congress may be regarded as a blessing. But Congressmen do not brighten. PUNCHINELLO listens in vain for the swan song of SUMNER, and looks longingly, without being gratified by the spectacle of the oratorical funeral pyre of NYE. Almost the only gleam of humor he discerns in his weekly wading through the watery and windy wastes of the Congressional Globe is a comic coruscation by Mr. CAMERON.

Mr. McCREERY had had the abominable impudence to introduce a bill relieving the disabilities of a few friends of his in Kentucky. Mr. CAMERON objected upon the ground that one of these persons was named SMITH, and used to be a New York Street Commissioner. Any man who had been a New York Street Commissioner ought to be hanged as soon as any decent pretext could be found for hanging him. (Murmurs of approbation from the New York reporters.) Still this was not his main objection to SMITH. The SMITH family had furnished more aid and comfort to the rebel army than any other family in the South. No SMITH should, with his consent, be permitted to participate in the conduct of a Government which so many SMITHS had conspired to overthrow. Moreover, this was an incorrigible SMITH. It was an undisputed fact that SMITH had given up a lucrative office to follow his political convictions. Such a man could not be viewed by Senators with any other feelings than those of horror and disgust. Let them reflect what would be the effect of polluting this body, as by this bill it was proposed to make it possible to do, with a man so dead to all the common feelings of our nature that he would set up his own conceits against the practice of his fellow-Senators, and the rewards of a grateful country. This settled the fate of SMITH, but the rest of Mr. McCREERY's friends, being obscure persons, were let in, in spite of the "barbaric yaup" of DRAKE, who said that the next thing would be a proposition to enact a similar outrage in Missouri, and thereby abet the efforts of the bold bad men who were trying to get him out of his seat.

HOUSE.

SCHENCK insisted upon the Tariff. He had been visited by delegations from the great heart of the nation, who assured him that the great heart of the nation yearned for an immediate increase of the duty on various articles which competed with the articles manufactured by the members of the delegation. No longer ago than yesterday a manufacturer of double-back-action jack-planes had assured him that the single-forward-action jack-planes poured upon our shores by the pauper labor of Europe, were, so to speak, shaving off the edge of the national life. A gentleman whose name was known to the uttermost parts of the civilized world, who had shed new lustre upon the American name by the great boon he had bestowed upon mankind in the American self-filling rotary Bird of Freedom inkstand with revolving lid, had said, with the tears of patriotic shame and sorrow in his eyes, that there were recreant writers who preferred to purchase the Birmingham inkstand, which required to be filled, did not rotate, and had no revolution to its lid, at fifty cents, than to secure his own triumph of American ingenuity at ten dollars. Such misguided men must be taught their duty to their native land. Mr. SCHENCK moved an increase to 4,000 per cent, ad valorem on the foreign jack-plane, which he characterized as a Tool of Tyranny, and the Birmingham inkstand. The thing was done.

Mr. DAWES said he was disgusted. Everybody's jobs were put through except his. He threatened to go home and tell his constituents.

Mr. PETERS suggested that Mr. DAWES had better go out and take "suthin' soothin'." (Mr. PETERS is from Maine, and his remark will probably be understood there.) If he might be pardoned the liberty he would recommend a little ice in it.

Mr. DAWES said he could do his own drinking. As for PETERS, he scorned him. Moreover, PETERS was one-eyed.

Mr. PETERS appealed to his record to show that he had two eyes. He did not understand the anger of Mr. DAWES. Of course when he suggested a drink, he assumed the responsibility of paying for it.

Mr. DAWES said that altered the case entirely. He took pleasure in withdrawing his hasty remarks, and in assuring the House that he profoundly venerated PETERS, and that PETERS had two perfect eyes of unusual expressiveness.

Mr. BINGHAM called attention to the case of Mr. PORTER, who had been smitten on the nose by a vile creature whom he declined to drink with. This was a blow at the national life, and he thought the punishment of treason was imperatively demanded.

Mr. BUTLER said he had been kicked once. He assured the House that the sensation was repugnant to his feelings as a man—much more as a Congressman. He moved to amend by substituting slow torture.

It was finally resolved to put the wretch in irons and feed him on bread and water.

A Drowsy Con.

When a man is sleepy, what sort of transformation does he desire?

He wishes he were a-bed.

An Anecdote of the good old Square Kind.

MRS. PRINGLEWOOD, having been afflicted with a chimney that smoked, sent for a chimney-doctor to cure it.

When the cure had been thoroughly effected, says Mrs. PRINGLEWOOD to the chimney-doctor: "My son, a boy of but fourteen, smokes awful; couldn't you cure him as you did the chimney?"

"No I couldn't, marm," returned the chimney-doctor, who was a wag: "but I see what you're arter, marm—you want me to teach him to draw!"

O Deer, Deer!

Trichinoe are said to have been discovered in the flesh of Oregon deer. If this should prove true, Oregon venison must be anything but a benison; but it is more than likely that the report originated in the fact that there is in the East Indies a species of the cervine family known as the Hog deer.

Scientific Intelligence.

We learn from exchanges that in Missouri, where the wages of working-people average five dollars per diem, that the Legislature have decreed a Mining Bureau, and a Geological Survey of the State—the remuneration of the assistant geologists to be at the rate of $1.50 per diem. Why should these learned geologists waste their time for a compensation so mean? Let them rather convert their surveying-staffs into ox-goads, and turn their attention to Gee-haw-logy,—'twill pay better than t'other thing.

Men and Manners/

The following paragraph, cut from a newspaper, suggests a good deal:

"A Hindoo cabby, before mounting the box and taking the reins, always first prays that his driving may be to the glory of his God."

Now this is precisely what the New York hackman invariably does before he gathers up the reins and urges on his "galled jades." He curses his horses, his passengers, and his own eyes, and thus commends his driving to the glory of his God, whose other name is LUCIFER.

A. T. Stewart & Co.
Are offering

A SPLENDID ASSORTMENT
OF THE
LATEST PARIS NOVELTIES.
IN

ROMAN. ECOSSAIS, CARREAUX.
BROCHE, CHINE, GROS
GRAIN AND TAFFETA

SASH RIBBONS,
IN THE MOST DESIRABLE WIDTHS AND
SHADES OF COLOR. Also,

Velvet Ribbons, Trimming Ribbons,
Neckties, &c., &c.

Great Inducements to Purchasers.

BROADWAY,

4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.

PUNCHINELLO.

The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America.

CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.

Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) ............... $4.00

" " six months, (without premium,) ..................................... 2.00

" " three months, " ............................................. 1.00

Single copies mailed free, for ............................................... .10

We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S
CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:

A copy of paper for one year, and

"The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo.
Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for ...................... $4.00

A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:

Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9.
Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-3/8.
Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4—for ..................... $5.00

A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:

Group of Chickens;
Group of Ducklings;
Group of Quails.
Each 10 x 12-1/8.

The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14

The Barefoot Boy;
Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13.

Pointer and Quail;
Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12—for ... $6.50

A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:

The Baby in Trouble;
The Unconscious Sleeper;
The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.)
Each 13 x 16-1/4.

Spring;
Summer;
Autumn;
12-7/8 x 16-1/8.

The Kid's Play Ground.
11 x 17-1/2—for ................. $7.00

A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:

Strawberries and Baskets.

Cherries and Baskets.

Currants. Each 13 x 18.

Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.

Six Central Park Views. (A set.)
9-1/8 x 4-1/2—for ........... $8.00

A copy of paper for one year and

Six American Landscapes. (A set.)
4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for .............................................. $9.00

A copy of paper for one year and either of the
following $10 chromos:

Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/2 x 12

Easter Morning. 14 x 21.

Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.

Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,)
15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00

Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.

Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money.

CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company.

The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp.

Address,

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,

P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.

A. T. STEWART & Co.

Are Offering

Extraordinary Bargains
IN
LADIES' PARIS AND DOMESTIC READY-MADE
Silk, Grenadine, Swiss Muslin,
Victoria Lawn, Linen
and Pique

Suits, Robes, and Dresses,

Children's Linen and Pique Garments,
In the Greatest Variety,

Embroidered Collars, CUFFS, LACES,
Real LAMA LACE POINTS,
DRESSES &c., &c.

BROADWAY,

4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS.

A. T. Steward & Co.

Are closing out their stock of
FRENCH, ENGLISH, AND DOMESTIC
CARPETS,

Oil Cloths, Rugs, Mats, Cocoa and Canton
Mattings, &c., &c.,

At a Great REDUCTION IN PRICES.

Customers and Strangers are Respectfully

INVITED TO EXAMINE,

BROADWAY,

4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.

A. T. STEWART &CO.

Offer the following
Extraordinary Inducements
IN PRICES TO PURCHASERS,

In order to close the following portion of their Stock:

Striped Checks, & Broche Poplinettes,
Only 50 cts. per Yard.

Heavy Black and White Check Silks,
75 cts. per Yard, value $1.50.

Real Gaze de Chambrey,
75 cts. per Yard, formerly $2.

Striped Mongoline Silks (a Beautiful
Article for Costumes),
$1 per Yard, formerly $2

A LARGE QUANTITY OF

STRIPED & CHECKED SILKS,
This Season's Importation, $1 per Yard.

A great Variety of the
NEW ROUBAIX SILKS,
56 INCHES WIDE, $1.25 per Yard.

RICH CHANGEABLE SILKS,
Light Colors, 24 Inches Wide, $1.75.

EXTRA HEAVY PONGE SILKS,
ONLY $1.60 per Yard, formerly $2.50.

A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF
Plain Colored POULTS DE SOIES,
TAFFETTAS, FAILLES, &c., &c.,

Choice Shades of Color.

AN IMMENSE STOCK OF

BLACK SILKS,

At Prices Lower Than Ever.

BROADWAY,

4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts.

THE COMING MILLENNIUM,
WHEN EVERYTHING IS TO BE CHEAP,
AND THE WHITE MAN WILL STARVE.

Tourists and leisure Travelers
will be find to learn that the Erie Railway Company has prepared

COMBINATION EXCURSION
OR
Round Trip Tickets,

Valid during the entire season, and embracing Ithaca— headwaters of Cayuga Lake—Niagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains and all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all the necessary information.

"The Printing—House of the United States."

GEO. F. NESBITT & CO.,

General JOB PRINTERS,

BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,
STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,
LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers.
COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,
CARD Manufacturers,
ENVELOPE Manufacturers.
FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.

163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST.,
73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New York.

ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under immediate supervision of the proprietors.

PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens." PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout the world. PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp.

L. PRANG & CO., Boston.

PUNCHINELLO.

With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.

OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,

Presents to the public for approval, the new

ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL

WEEKLY PAPER,

PUNCHINELLO,

The first number of which was issued under
date of April 2.

ORIGINAL ARTICLES,

Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs,, or suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally.

Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stamps are inclosed.

TERMS:

One copy, per year, in advance ....................... $4.00

Single copies .......................................... .10

A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.

One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other
magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. 5.50

One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for.. 7.00

All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,

No 83 Nassau Street,

P. O. Box, 2783. NEW YORK.

THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.

The New Burlesque Serial,

Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,

BY

ORPHEUS C. KERR,

Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly throughout the year.

A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, with superb illustrations of

1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.

2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE taken as he appears "Every Saturday." will also be found in the same number.

Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,
(or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.

Subscription for One Year, one copy,
with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.

Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new serial, which promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly.

We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to
any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on
the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.

Address,

PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,

P. O. Box 2783.

83 Nassau St., New York.

GEO. W, WHEAT & Co, PRINTER, NO. 8 SPRUCE STREET.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 18, July 30,
1870, by Various

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 18 ***

***** This file should be named 10014-h.htm or 10014-h.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.net/1/0/0/1/10014/

Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and PG Distributed Proofreaders

Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.

Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.

*** START: FULL LICENSE ***

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.net/license).

Section 1. General Terms of Use & Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.net),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that

- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."

- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.

- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.

- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS," WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm

Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.

The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org

For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
gbnewby@pglaf.org

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
donations. To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.

Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's
eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII,
compressed (zipped), HTML and others.

Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over
the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed.
VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving
new filenames and etext numbers.

Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:

http://www.gutenberg.net

This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000,
are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to
download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular
search system you may utilize the following addresses and just
download by the etext year.

http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext06

(Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99,
98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90)

EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are
filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part
of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is
identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single
digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For
example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at:

http://www.gutenberg.net/1/0/2/3/10234

or filename 24689 would be found at:
http://www.gutenberg.net/2/4/6/8/24689

An alternative method of locating eBooks:
http://www.gutenberg.net/GUTINDEX.ALL